Carer for My Husband

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Hi, my name is Debbie and my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 23rd October 2021, i;m not sure what the name of it is but I know it started in his Gall Bladder and has now spread to his liver and his lungs.   He is having Chemotherapy at the moment, and is due to go to UCLH to see about a trial.  

In the beginning I felt I could handle all the ups and downs, what with blood tests, scans, treatment etc. but just lately I am finding it harder to cope, I have a full time job, and an elderly parent (father) to look after also.  I get so tired and feel guilty if I don't clean the house, do the ironing etc. but I just can't seem to get my head together at all.  I keep asking myself am I doing enough?  Is there more I can do to make my husbands life a little better, because sometimes it feels like I could do more but I just don't have the strength.

I have spent many an evening crying because I don't know what to do, who to talk to, is there any help for me out there?  I feel so alone and don't know what to do.

  • Bless you BigChris53, being a carer is a big job to take on especially working full time, have you thought about getting help with the housework and other chores plus a nurse for your husband, some companies will allow you to take time off work and you can claim benefits from the government. Im not sure how it all works as my last operation was in 2010 so a lot has changed for the better, especially when its linked to cancer. There is a carers group on here that should be able to point you in the right direction and give you up to date answers so it might be worth posting there as well. Im sure your husband is more than happy with your support care and love, i always say the carer can go through just as much as the patient. All my cancers were to do with the head and neck but the journeys are all similar with all the appointments, scans, operations and treatments. I hope you manage to get some answers from the carers group, failing that please give  Macmillan a call as they will also help with further advice. Wishing you all the best, take care.

                                                                                                                      Chris x

    Its sometimes not easy but its worth it ! 

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  • Thanks Chris, I am going to look into maybe getting a cleaner in to help me with the housework, I am also looking into Attendance Allowance for my husband, not sure how I will get on but fingers crossed, speak soon and take care

    Debbie xx