Struggling

Hello 

Please can anyone help me with some advice!?!

I am a survivor of Follicular Lymphoma, I used to be a member on here before have lost my loving and changed my email.

Your advice helped me immensely before and I am hoping for some advice desperately. 

I will fill in the about me section as soon as I can but really need to post first.

I was diagnosed with NHFL in 2014 it was stage 1 treated with radiotherapy. I am still under my consultant and monitored every 6 months. I have been quite well had a few problems over the years but havent we all?

I have recently had a lot of anxiety and mental health issues as my health took a downturn this year. I had kidney stones, they were removed but my gp took so long to refer me as an urgent case I was left for 3 months with a stone stuck in my ureter. 

This was sorted but I have been left with a stone still in the other kidney. Its caused me lots of issues this past 6 months, water infections, constant bad back but fuel to the corona virus my appointments have been put back to November. 

I was furloughed for 7 months while I was recovering from condition which was a god send for me as I have been struggling.

I was then advised that they were making redundancies and due to amount of time I had off I assumed I would be the one to go so I left. I so regret doing this. 

I was lucky enough to get another job in a private hospital but I've only been there nearly 3 months and I've already had so much time off sick with health issues, kidney problems, anxiety, suspected corona virus. I think I had Corona virus back at the beginning of the new year as I was quite I'll with flu but put it down to my immune system at the time. 

I have recently found a lump at the top of my ribcage which is under investigation except there is nothing being done about I'm so anxious I'm off work again. I cannot get a blood test due the national shortage of the chemical they use to test and I am still waiting for a ct scan. My gp thinks its benign but I was misdiagnosed with the lymphoma, told it was a fatty lump and 6 months later bang I was in hospital have the lump removed in my groin and radiotherapy all sorted with 2 weeks. 

I have a limited support network, I feel noone cares and I feel such a burden. My mum used to be Rock, her advice was always good solid advice but this past year her memory has deteriorated quite a lot and I fear she is getting dementia or alzheimer's it runs in our family. I have a brother who is very busy with his own life. He rings mum a few times a week and chucks money at her if she struggles. 

I am my mums main carer and motivator, she is always low and depressed and I do my best to lift her up take her out or pop there every single day, it's a 40 mile journey but I still do it. 

Sometimes when I get there I'm feeling quite low myself but do my best to not show it as it is the last thing she needs to see. I try to remain supportive but I sometimes go away from there feeling even lower, mum is s survivor of breast cancer too. 

My doctor signed me off on thursday for 2 weeks, I need it in fact I dont know how much I can go on working. Fatigue knocks me off my socks, I can sleep for 10 hours and still feel whacked out.

My job is at risk I know that, i am still on probation, my mum needs me and I so very need it but i wanted this job so much it was  supposed to be a fresh start, new career the lot. It just hasnt worked out that way and it would be great to have some advice.

I really appreciate this and I hope your are all okay and well.

Lots of Love, Julie