Grieving the life taken away

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Hi there,

I am 2 years post treatment (radiotherapy, chemo and brachytherapy) after a stage 3 diagnosis at 34yo.

I was 'lucky' through the treatment that I didn't suffer horribly with side effects, I was able to carry on working and other than some post chemo steroid induced purchases, it went as well as I of could expected. 

The struggle is now, having been unfortunately unable to freeze any eggs I'm grieving the life that could of been. While children were by no way a guarantee, we had started trying 6 months prior to my diagnosis. 

Seeing one by one, my friends start or add to their families leave me feeling more and more isolated. And it turn guilty I don't feel more happiness for them. 

Throw a big dose of menopausal brain fog and it's leave me unsure where to turn.