When will it end

Hi Dora223

It’s Wayne here from Macmillan’s Online Community team. I saw your post and wanted to offer some support whilst you are waiting for other group members to reply.

I firstly want to say how sorry I am to hear how much cancer has affected your life. I’m so sorry to hear the passing of your partner, your uncle and your best buddy Dora. I can only imagine the emotions you are going through with your mam’s cancer diagnosis. Please know that Macmillan will continue to be here for you whilst you navigate your way through this. You may find it helpful to join the skin cancer forum. It’s a support group for people diagnosed with skin cancer, their family members & loved ones.

Please remember, if you would rather speak to someone directly, we have our Macmillan Support Line when you want to talk things through with someone for advice, emotional support or even just a listening ear. Our Support Line teams are available 7 days a week, 8am-8pm on freephone 0808 808 00 00. If you would rather speak to them via message, you can also do so on our live webchat.

If you think accessing some specialist bereavement support would be helpful, there’s useful information in Macmillan’s ‘coping with bereavement’ booklet. It includes details of other specialist organisations trained to support people with their grief such as Cruse bereavement care.

They have a free confidential helpline where you can pick up the phone and speak to their team of trained bereavement volunteers on their helpline by calling 0808 808 1677. You can click here for their opening times.

Additionally, there are different charities that can offer guidance and support with your mental health in mind:

• Mind is a UK-based mental health charity, which you can call on 0300 123 3393 or text 86463 for mental health support.
• Hub Of Hope is the UK’s largest mental health support directory. It’s a great way to locate services which are best to serve the help you need.

I hope the above makes sense and I’ve been able to reassure you that we are here to help. If you need any help using the Community or finding additional support, please don’t hesitate to get back in touch.

Thank you Wayne for your kind words. 

My parents are in there early 80's and I know it's inevitable that we have to pass at some point in our lives, but I cared for my partner solo for 3years only having our Macmillan nurse every 3 weeks giving us the update of my partners scans and District nurse visited every month or so to change her catheter. 

This routine meant I saw every stage of cervical cancer attacking her physically and mentally. 

This is the most horrendous, upsetting and physically demanding task I have ever done and something I never wanted to repeat but I saw much of this with my uncle .

The physical part I was not involved with as my mam looked after him in the early days bless her ,he was a difficult sole on a good day never mind when he had a off day.

He expected it, for my mam was his sister and that's what sisters do.

My mam would do it as it was her nature and almost 50 years as a nurse ,caring for people doesnt leave you.

If my mam had to leave this world ,then I would hope it was with natural causes and not another battle with this personal plague CANCER.

I've seen so much illness and death in a short space of time  it really frightens me and to lose a parent will be yet another trauma I'm supposed to cope with .

I am not suicidal and never have been.

I have a 21 year old son beginning uni again after a year out concentrating on his American wrestling which he has beven travelling the country.

You mentioned" Mind "  I have used there services shortly after my partner passed around 2022/23.

I was scheduled 6 weekly sessions but they give me a extra 4 as I was in a bad place.

They helped me by listening at everything I said and I left every meeting with a big fat cheesy smile and a pocket full of wet hankies.

Once I got home the problems emerged once again.

I could go on and on Wayne. 

Myself I havnt looked after me.

I don't really socialise, and you might think I am silly but the reason I don't is because I feel guilty if I went out and enjoy myself. My partner and I went everywhere together and we always had fun.so that's not fair.

In my house I havnt slept in a bed for 5 years. It's been the settee.

My partner passed away at home in our bedroom. 

I can't bring myself to spend a full night there .  "YET"

And one more thing .

My hygiene like bathing ,changing clothes and bed sheets are few and far between.

I was never like that.

Lacking motivation. 

I am yet again full of worry 

How do i deal with yet another CANCER dilemma. 

My mam has only been told she had cancer but yet has to wait for urgent refural to find out at what extent. 

I will keep you informed but for now I have to take my dog Ivy out .

Thanks everyone xx

Hi Dora223,

It’s Megan here who works alongside Wayne as part of Macmillan’s Online Community team. I’m so sorry to hear what has brought you to join the Online Community however, I am glad you have found us. I hope you’ll continue to use the forums when you need a space to talk about how you are coping.

I wanted to share a link to the Family and friends forum, which is a safe and supportive space for those supporting loved ones to talk about how you are coping. You are welcome to join and post in this forum when you need some additional support.

Waiting for more information after a loved one is diagnosed with cancer can cause a range of emotions and bring up feelings from previous experiences of supporting your partner.

It’s good to hear that you have accessed support from MIND before and you do things like walking your dog to help support your wellbeing. I wonder if you have spoken to anyone recently about how you are feeling? Perhaps a friend or even your GP?

Your GP is there to support your wellbeing and can do what they can to help your mental health. They can refer you to local support, such as support groups and talking therapies if this is something that may be helpful for you to access.

Please remember that the Macmillan Support Line teams are there to support you. It may be helpful to get in touch if you have any questions about your mum’s diagnosis and to explore what support options there are for you both. Sometimes it can help to talk to someone who is there to listen, so if you do need some additional emotional support just now, please do call 0808 808 00 00, email or live webchat from 8am to 8pm.

I hope the above information can be useful, and if you have any questions or need help with using the site, please don’t hesitate to email Community@macmillan.org.uk or send a private message to the Moderator account.