Hi, I had radical hysterectomy with ovary and lymph node removal back in September - adenocarcinoma stage 1b2. I’m finally on the mend from surgery just a few minor things going on and so thankful that no additional treatment was needed. But my word I’ve hit a brick wall emotionally. I’m absolutely fine until I hear the c word or think about anything to do with what I went through and I’m filling up and crying - I’m not a crier so really struggling with this. I think everything happened so quickly that I haven’t even processed that I’ve been a c patient and feel like I’m looking at my life from the outside. My family and friends have been great but they’re now so positive I’m cured, I feel like I can’t speak to them, we’re close like super close but not emotionally deep. I had my first check up this week and it’s really hit home how I’m struggling. Has anyone else felt like this? Does the fear ever go away or ease?
Hi Tracy3210
I think you might have hit the nail on the head there about everything happening so quickly and not getting the time to process it.
I don’t know if you’ve seen that Macmillan have an online, free, course that you might want to take a look at called the Hope programme. The link is here
It’s a 6 week programme which you can dip in and out of in your own time and which might help with some techniques you could try to develop to cope with life post cancer.
You might also want to think about getting some counselling to deal with how you’re feeling, so would you think about having a chat with your gp to see what help might be available for you?
I’m sure that you are not alone with how you’re feeling, but it can be difficult for friends and family to understand when they haven’t had a cancer diagnosis. Those of us who have had a cancer diagnosis can find ourselves deeply affected by worries and thoughts long after treatment has ended.
I found this paper very helpful and recommend it
After the treatment finishes-then what?
You've asked if fear ever goes away or eases and for me, I have to say yes, it has. My original diagnosis was more than 7 years ago, and initially I had worried about the cancer coming back like a lot of people do. My cancer was a higher stage than you and I had a lot of treatment.
When it did come back, it was devastating but I chose to put my faith in the team looking after me doing their best to help me. I did what was required, and now nearly 6 years after my major surgery I am considered cured.
I have learned over the years to focus on one step at a time, not consult dr google, and not worry until I am given something to worry about. I’ve always had a positive attitude from the start, and that’s helped me immensely. I don’t spend my life worrying about cancer because I don’t want it to dominate my thinking. I’ve been given a second chance at life, so want to make the most of it.
You've mentioned you’ve had a check up recently. Did that reassure you? Did you tell your doctor how you were feeling, both mentally and physically?
It might take time for you to get past this, and accept what you’ve gone through, but getting help to come to terms with it would be a good first step.
Sarah xx
Hi Tracey
Can you write a list of all the questions you want to ask and bring that to your review with your CNS? That way you won’t forget to ask what you want to if you find yourself getting upset or overwhelmed while you’re there.
The holistic review should be focusing on you and all aspects of your life and how you’re feeling-not just about the physical recovery from surgery, but how you’ve been affected by your diagnosis and treatment in every way.
I understand it can be difficult to discuss these things, especially if you’re feeling emotional, but it could get you the help you need to enable you to move on in a better way.
There’s no shame in crying-it’s the body’s way of naturally expressing your emotions and you won’t be judged for that. No-one can be “strong” all the time-we are only human.
In the meantime, I hope you might find the links I’ve given you helpful, and ember that the Macmillan support line is available every day if you’d like to call for some extra support. The number is in my signature and they can help, so don’t be scared to pick up the phone.
Sarah xx
