My wife is 72 and the kindest sweetest soul and at the same time, as tough as old boots. Back in the 80's she had cervical cancer and it was caught early, treated and life went on. Fast forward to 2004 and she was diagnosed with breast cancer...treated, given the all clear and again life went on. In 2001 she was diagnosed with lung cancer and after months of treatment was given a lobectomy and we were told everything was cleared. Life's been good since then, difficult at times but good because I could look at her and see she was happy and that was good enough for me. About 6 months ago she started to "spot", not heavily but enough for her to go to her GP. Since then, things have progressed and she was given a PET scan last week unbeknownst to me. Every time she got a letter through I'd ask her what it pertained to and she'd always assure me that it was nothing important...routine follow-up letters she'd tell me. On Saturday I discovered her latest letter and that's how I found out about the PET scan...In it the Radiologist doctor said the results are highly suspicious and she suspects cancer so the Oncologist now wants another blood test and a bone scan. When I asked her to come clean with me she finally admitted that the Radiologist consultant told her she has cancer and that she suspects its in her lymph nodes and the bones at the base of her spine thus the need for a bone scan. She told me that she didn't want to tell me until she was absolutely sure and shes still holding out on telling our adult children until then...the weight of this is crushing me but I've gotta respect her wishes....I'm sorry if this is a long story but I feel alone and my heart's breaking under the strain...They say God only gives you what you can handle and I'm praying for the both of us that it's true....Thanks for reading this and giving me a place to tell our story...
Hi John3684 and welcome to our group.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, which is truly heartbreaking to read. Your wife has been through a tremendous amount, and it’s desperately sad that she is facing more uncertainty and worry.
I can understand your wife keeping some things to herself-it can be hard to give our partners and family more worries-but now you know this information about the petscan, I hope that she’ll feel more able to share with you and you can face whatever’s next together. I can understand not telling your adult children just yet as there are still some tests to go through so I always found it better to discuss things with my adult children after all tests had been completed and treatment had been agreed so that I could answer any questions and let them know what the plan would be,
This is a really tough situation for you to be in, and you may find it helpful to join some of our other groups in addition to this one where you might be able to find extra emotional support.
Carers only Forum (if you are your wife’s carer)
I hope you will be able to let us know when you have more information about your wife’s test results so that we can try and help support you further. In addition, there is the Macmillan support line available for both yourself and your wife and the phone number is in my signature. Even though you are not the patient you can still call and get help and support for yourself.
Sarah xx
Hello again John3684
The waiting for results and a plan is so difficult for you all, isn’t it? I hope you don’t have too long to wait, because as you say you need to know exactly what you’re dealing with. Now that your children know where you’re at, they can be there for you both. I’m glad your wife found it helpful to not have the extra burden to carry, and seeing her smile must have gladdened your heart.
I talk out loud to my darling mum’s photograph which I see when I wake up every day, and I still talk to my dad although he’s been gone for more than 40 years now-it helps, and I gain comfort and strength from doing those things. Even at my age-I’m 63- I still find it difficult to think of myself as an “orphan” but I feel them around me.
Once you know what is happening, you will get a plan and be able to start the next stage. I know how difficult it was for my own partner to watch me go through more treatment and their feeling of helplessness at not being able to fix things. It’s very tough, and I know you've been down this road before. But you are facing this together and you sound like you’re a very loving and supportive husband so your wife is a lucky lady to have you by her side as you navigate whatever is next.
Please keep posting here whenever you need to and let us know how you are both coping.
Sarah xx
