Hey everyone.
I've not been on for a while. I struggle with opening up to people. I've lost family and friends since my diagnosis a few months ago. I've been trying to just get on with it. I'm not sure how I feel from one day to the next. I think I'm doing fine then I suddenly feel really sad. I had a leep on Thursday and was told I will need more treatment but my consultant will talk to me about it on the 27th. Two weeks seems like a long time when your waiting. Hopefully things seem easier when there's a plan in place. I miss my family that arnt talking to me now and I find that harder emotionally than the diagnosis.
Quartz 30 xx
Hi quartz30
I realise who you are now that you’ve successfully got your user name changed! How are you feeling physically after your LEEP?
Two weeks will seem like a long time, I know, as we all hate the waiting, but I just tried to keep myself occupied so I wasn’t thinking about it all the time. As you can imagine I’ve had lots of waiting for results, scans and procedures over the years but I learned to accept it was just the way things are.
Your results will need to go to the multidisciplinary team meeting to decide on the next steps for you, so it depends on how long the results from the lab take, and when the team meets-in my hospital the meeting was once a week where a number of patients were discussed. I see you’ve already been told you’ll need more treatment, so there needs to be a decision on exactly what that will be.
I’m so sorry that things aren’t any better with your family-that must be really tough to deal with on top of everything. But you’re not responsible for how they feel and act, and maybe they’ll come round in time. It’s sad, but very common to have issues with families, as I know myself from this happening, but I’ve moved on and come to terms with the fact that I can’t change it. I’ve always felt it says more about them than me, and I’m much happier without them in my life. Luckily I was never close to them in the way you are, so it must be extra difficult for you.
It is good to see you posting again-please don’t be a stranger, and if you feel you need some extra emotional support, you can call the support line-the number is in my signature. They are there to listen and help if they can.
Sarah xx
Hey sarah.
I wondered if you would know it was me.
Not too bad today. Struggling with constipation tho. Stomach is bloated but no pain today.
I will try to do the same. I feel for you after knowing a small part of your journey. Waiting sucks but I get why. Everything needs testing and plans made. Ye when I woke up from anesthesia the surgeon told me. Not sure what he seen.
It is hard I miss them very much. You are right though I'm not responsible for other people and I shouldn't blame myself. Hopefully things get better in time. I just need to get me through this.
I'm glad your happier without the people who didn't support you. Cancer definitely teaches us a few life lessons along the way.
How are you doing at the moment?
Thank you 
your support means alot.
Quartz 30 xx
Good to hear you’re not in pain-fresh fruit is good to keep you regular, and prune juice if you want something natural. I found in the past that laxatives were too harsh when I had constipation and stool softeners were much kinder, but that hasn’t been an issue for me now I have a colostomy!
Definitely I’ve had a few life lessons and things like certain members of my family being horrible became very unimportant when I was first faced with my cancer diagnosis. I had already cut off contact because of other things they did, so I don’t even know if they know I’ve had cancer, but I don’t think about them now so it doesn’t matter.
One of the things which I feel, though it may sound selfish to others, is that the priority is you and not anyone else. Getting any kind of cancer diagnosis is scary-not everyone can understand how that might feel, but it’s horrible, so the priority is looking after yourself and your feelings. I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone for a long time because I needed to process it myself and come to terms with how I was feeling. Telling people in itself doesn’t always bring helpful reactions from others. However, at least I had and still have a very supportive partner which makes things easier, so I know I’m very lucky.
I‘m ok at the moment, thank you-not brilliant but ok. At least I am still here, but with a very different life. I’m happy with my 2 cats, and just plodding on. Are you and your friend ok now? Is she there for you nowadays?
Sarah xx
I have become used to spending all day, every day, alone and most of the time I don’t mind it. My partner is at work from 6.30 till 4.30pm so it can sometimes feel like a long day, but generally I have enough to get on with. I don’t see anyone, as I’m housebound and it’s virtually impossible to get out alone, even with my wheelchair as I need help with everything.
I moved here from somewhere I knew people, and had friends, but unfortunately don’t have that kind of support network down here, so there are no visitors for me, unless you count the Amazon delivery guy! I’m very excited to have my closest old friend coming in a couple of weeks to stay for a week so I’ll have company for a change. I don’t see her often enough as she’s a 5 hour drive away but she’s now retired so has the time to come for a long visit. We have lots of catching up to do and we’ve been best friends for 56 years so we know each other very well.
I’m really sorry you don’t have your friend in your life any more-that’s very sad to read. Try as best you can to keep your chin up and keep going-I understand it’s hard, but we just have to keep going.
Sarah xx
A true friend should stick by you no matter what, even when things are difficult. My friend is like that-always phoning and messaging, sending cards and lovely gifts, and offering emotional support too, which is so important. We are like sisters we have such a close bond.
We haven’t spent a week together since before my first cancer diagnosis, so she doesn’t really see my day to day life and how difficult it is but she will soon! I’m hoping we can do some nice things together and maybe even get out for a coffee-I’m honestly so excited about it! And she loves cats so she’ll get to meet my new one-just got her from the rescue place a couple of months ago.
Sarah xx
She’s met our other cat before but this new one is little and very playful and our older lady is pretty sedate and sleeps a lot!
My wheelchair has a broken little wheel at the back so I’m hoping that will be fixed before my friend comes so we can maybe walk into town or even get to the park-we have a lovely park and some nice canal walks and I miss getting out.
We will also be doing a lot of laughing, and that’s good for the soul! We have so many shared memories we can just mention a name and remember lots of stories. I’m so lucky to have her in my life. Yep, I’m very excited!
How are you doing today? We’ve got lovely blue skies here and sunshine so that always cheers me up even though it’s very chilly! Are you able to get out and about and enjoy the day?
Sarah xx
