After surgery and sex

Hi Peace

No direct experience as I’ve had my vagina removed, but even though you don’t have a cervix you will have a vaginal cuff where you have been sewn  up inside after the surgery to hit. Also, a radical hysterectomy will shorten your vagina so I’m assuming that these may be the reasons for any discomfort. Have you had post surgery checkups where all has been ok? If you’re worried, then call your CNS and ask to be checked over. Hope it improves for you. 

Sarah xx

Thank you Sarah. Yes and its only now I’m noticing it more as it’s been nearly 10 months. I have other problems like joint pain, body aching, bad back spasms the list goes on d

aince operation so I really don’t need this too lol. 
I don’t want to tell him as I know he will stop having sex with me as doesn’t want to g

hurt me. I feel my body is giving up on me and next I’ll loose him as moods and not being able to be close will break us. I know he loves me and doesn’t want to leave me but he is now my carer which we both hate (I’m a professional carer) 

Oh gosh, that’s really sad to read-both about your ongoing issues and the fact that you’re worried you’ll lose him. It’s very hard having ongoing issues to deal with, I know and my partner is effectively my carer too as I have lost a lot of my mobility. But we are lucky to be very strong together and not even the fact that I can never have sex again for the rest of my life will split us up. It’s the price I paid to stay alive, having my surgery and living with 2 bags along with so many bits of me removed.  Not saying it’s not difficult, but for us it’s not a deal breaker thankfully. We do talk about things though, and communication is important.

You are at least still able to have a sexual relationship, but it’s not good to hide what you’re feeling and feel you can’t say when things are not right. You shouldn’t feel you can’t talk openly with him for fear of him leaving. If he really loves you, he will stay.

Sarah xx

I think it’s all in my head that he would go. We have been through so much together and still going strongish. 
I just feel like it’s not fair on him. His health isn’t good either and our 5 children (2 mine and 3 his and all adult) still need our support.
I hold things in and deal alone but some days I just can’t do it alone. He still hasn’t dealed  with me having the cancer and not being able to be with me the day I had hysterectomy due to COVID. He won’t talk about it amd says he will deal with it when I’m better but right now I feel that’s never going to come my consultant I emailed and she hasn’t got back to me which isn’t helping me. I feel because I had the operation and cancer was cut out I’ve just been left to deal with it. 

Hi Peace-I really wonder if you might greatly benefit from some professional counselling to try and help you work through everything? Cancer really messes with your head as well as your body, and has a huge mental impact. It can often be so helpful to talk to someone who is not emotionally involved with you. It’s a scary thing to go through, partners are scared for us, and sometimes just don’t want to discuss this, but it’s good to talk. 

I think we all feel quite alone after whatever treatment we had is over. We’re supposed to “move on” and be back to normal, whatever that is. The reality is very different. It was almost a year after my surgery that I finally admitted that I wasn’t coping mentally with everything that had happened, and sought help. It was the best thing I could have done, and my CNS organised this for me through Macmillan.

The sessions were free and on the phone during Covid, and really helped. I would recommend phoning the support line number in my signature and asking for some help. It can really do you such a lot of good to get these feelings out in the open and have someone non judgemental listen to you. I can’t recommend it highly enough. 

Sarah xx

Sarah 

thank you