After treatment

Hi

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this dark patch. I think you are very brave to start to put into words how you are feeling. That might sound glib, I hope not, because I really mean it.

It might not be much comfort but maybe it will help you feel a little less alone to know that this is very, very common. I remember the months after I had finished treatment for womb cancer which involved surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and brachytherapy and everyone expected me to be jumping for joy and all I could feel was numb. Then I slumped into a deep depression. My then husband suggested I try to look forward to our forthcoming holiday but, like you, all I wanted to do was hide under the duvet. 

So I went for help - and found it. My GP was great and prescribed me anti depressant and counselling. I took the antidepressants for only a few months and used the window they gave me to get my life back on track. The talking therapy really helped me understand what I was going through. Meanwhile, I went back to swimming and yoga and generally doing the things we all know help us. I also relied heavily on my friends in this community. 

One thing that really helped me was to read this longish article by a clinical psychologist on life after treatment. It described exactly what I was going through and gave me some ideas about how to move forward. I'd strongly suggest you have a look at it to see how it strikes you. Do you have a clinical nurse specialist? It might help to talk to her and to find out if there is a HOPE course available locally. I know people who say they have really benefited from this six week long course loking at life after treatment. 

I hope you will be able to reach out and find the help you need. I come from a family of alcoholics, some of them recovering, and I can only imagine that this depressed feeling you are dealing with is all the harder because of your alcoholism. I don't know what form your recovery takes, but you do. Whether it's AA or any other kind of group, are you able to get yourself back there and do some work on recovery?  

There is hope. You won't always feel this way. You've already been so brave to go through the treatment and now to start on recovery. For what it's worth, I think recovery after cancer is an active process that requires us to be strong all over again. 

Love and hugs

xxx