Being in limbo

Hi Funsize and welcome to our group.

You’re at one of the most difficult parts of the process now-waiting for your results and a treatment plan. It’s really hard to quieten those thoughts at this point, so many of us will be able to identify. 

It is very helpful to have a positive mindset, so that should help you cope, but the not knowing is very difficult. I turned to a Mindfulness app on my phone-it helps focus you in the moment, and you need to concentrate on your breathing. I spent a lot of my waiting time distracting myself with activities which required concentration-for me it was adult colouring in with intricate patterns and I listened to calming music again on a free phone app which was helpful if I was finding it difficult to turn my mind off and sleep. 

If negative thoughts intruded I tried very hard to bat them away and concentrate on what I knew for a fact at that moment, not the “what if” type of question which was only speculation while I was going through the process. Even now, I try very hard not to ask myself a question which starts “”what if”! 

If you’re getting called in by the end of the week it’s just a few days to get through and you just have to do the best you can. I’ve seen people say they allowed themselves to worry for a set and specific time each day and move on, but I think that takes discipline and I’m not sure I’d have found that useful for me. 

Knowing that you have cancer is a big shock for most of us, but I found it was easier when I knew my staging and plan, so I hope you’ll find the same. It gives you a focus to get through whatever treatment is needed with the goal of it being a success and being able to move on. 

I hope you’ll hear from some of the other ladies in the group, and let us know how you get on when you have your appointment. We have lots of experiences in the group of the different stages of this cancer, and the treatments, and lots of positive stories.

Sarah xx

Thank you Sarah, it’s nice to know this is a normal feeling to have at this stage. 

I’m not sure what has happened, all my smears have come back negative and they tell me it is really slow growing. So have I had it for a while and it has just gone undetected?  I’ve had a few problems with fibroids and endometriosis hence the ovaries being removed and I’m just thankful that I had that op and they found it. 

I will keep you updated on here with what is happening so that someone else might benefit from reading about my journey

It can happen unfortunately-a negative smear doesn’t mean you can’t have cervical cancer as it’s not a diagnostic test, although something described as “golf ball” sized does seem quite large (although size is not an indication of stage). So, it’s possible you’ve had it a while and it’s not been picked up-that might well depend on its location too. A friend of mine always had negative smears but had stage 2b cervical cancer six months after a clear smear test. 

It’s really fortunate you had the BSO surgery done and had this discovered, so that’s something to be thankful for at least if you’re looking for a positive spin on this! 

It would definitely be helpful for others in the group for you to continue to tell us how you’re getting on so please keep posting, asking questions, venting, sharing worries-whatever you’d like. You’re very welcome to be with us.

Sarah xx

Hello  

Im currently at the same point as you. Well, I have my appointment on Wednesday. I had my MRI last Wednesday, Last Friday got the call to arrange the face to face appointment this Wednesday. 

Im currently experiencing every feeling you are so I’d take that as normal, like Sarah said. 

I actually decided on Saturday to distant my mind and refuse to think about Wednesday until I had to. Which is hard in itself. 

But didn’t want to read and run. Here to chat x

Thank you for replying to me WindyThistle, especially with what you are going through as well. It can’t be easy when you are trying to deal with your own diagnosis, so I appreciate you taking the time to reassure me. 

Fingers crossed you get the best possible outcome on Wednesday xx

Thank you, you too ️ I’ve gone through all possible scenarios but ultimately I’m not going to know until the day. It’s good that I’ve had people to ground me, my partner, Sarah and a few other friends online. 

like you I’m ready for the treatment. I’m just not ready for the scary words, some are scarier than others. But will just have to deal with that as it comes. Xx

It’s good that you have a good support network. I’ve got people around me but I don’t want to worry them even more than they are already are with my “what if’s” which is why I reached out on here. 

I’ve always been in the mindset of don’t worry about what you can’t control. Live in the moment, but then again I’ve never had a cancer diagnosis before and when friends and family are making plans for a few weeks time I’m finding myself hesitating. I’m sure things will be clearer once we have a treatment plan. 

Don’t worry about the words, they are just words and can’t hurt you. There is a massive hill on my bike riding route and people call it heart attack hill. I like to call it marshmallow hill because it sounds so much nicer and a lot less scary. 

I might rename my cancer to “cosmic dust”…….I haven’t got cancer, I’ve got too much cosmic dust in my body.