Hi everyone, well what seems like forever has finally arrived. My first day of treatment for recurrent CC.
After confirmation of the recurrence back in August I have since had a stent put into my ureter and a stoma formed to allow the radio to zap everything with its best shot but I guess having these previous ops has diverted my focus on the real issue and now it's here, day one, to say I'm pooping myself would be an understatement.
I've always been such a positive person vowed never to let this take over my life but the past week I've found myself with what I can only describe as having minor anxiety attacks. I've had to remind myself to actually breath and my heart has felt like it was going to beat out of my chest and then i cry. This in turn makes me get angry at myself for starting to let it win, and then I think, this is before treatment how am I going to cope during, and then get myself into a horrible circle of arguing with myself over something completely out of my control.
I'm having 5 weeks of radio and chemo each Tuesday, then a further 2 weeks of treatment which they will decide after a 5 week scan.
I'm a huge control freak so letting go and stepping into the unknown is my first hurdle, but reading all the post from such lovely ladies has definitely helped.
Anyway I've had my moan and feels a lot better to just get it off my chest, im going to stroll into that appointment today with my big girl pants on and start the first day of kicking this thing in the balls.
We've got this!!!
Hi Lisa_xoxo and welcome!
It’s absolutely the pits finding out you have recurrence and a horrible time for you. Gosh, you’ve had a lot to contend with, that’s for sure. My own recurrence was about 9 months after going through chemorads, but I had the opportunity to have a total pelvic exenteration so I have 2 stomas. But that was in March 2020, and I’ve been doing ok since then. How are you finding your stoma to cope with? Is it an ileostomy or colostomy, and is there a chance of reversal? Mine are obviously both permanent as I’ve had everything removed.
Many of us have been through the chemo radiation you are about to start, so we’ve got lots of experience in the group with that to help with any questions you might have, but we don’t have so many of us posting who have had recurrence. I hope other ladies will chime in though. I haven’t come across anyone apart from myself with any kind of stoma, so it’s good to have you here!
You actually come across as a really positive person, but we all have wobbles at times. I like to think of myself as positive too, but I’m only human and at times it’s hard not to have those fears and worries intrude. The first thing I said to my best friend when I was first diagnosed was that I was putting my big girl pants on, and now I literally need to wear big girl pants every day with 2 bags
Feel free to moan or vent whenever you need to -it’s a safe place here and that’s what the group is for. We have lovely ladies here who can help support and encourage you as you go through treatment. Keeping that positive attitude really helps too. We are all fearful of the unknown, and of handing over control, but it’s a short intense period of treatment and will soon be over. Remember just to tell your team if you experience any side effects, as they will have something to help you and you don’t need to suffer. Hope you’ll keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on..you are very welcome to be with us.
Sarah xx
Hi Lisa
My colostomy doesn’t have any effect on my diet either so I haven’t had to cut things out, and it’s easy to cope with-easier than the urostomy!
For me the effects of the radio were cumulative with the main one being exhaustion. At 2 weeks in cystitis and the runs started but these both went pretty quickly after treatment ended, and I got lotions and pills to help through treatment. Some ladies are lucky and sail through, but bladder and bowel issues can be common.
You’ve definitely got the right attitude to be dealing with this!
Sarah xx
