Trying to remain positive but this is all getting the better of me. I feel so overwhelmed and so confused with it all. All this waiting all these appointments. Following my PET scan I have a call from my nurse who stated that the cancer hadn't spread but was in my surrounding tissue putting be at stage 2b. Went to the hospital yesterday staff were absolutely amazing I must add but the internal examination wasn't the most pleasant experience I've had but was told its between 3&4cm but not attached to my tissue so now what. More waiting. I'm grateful it's curable and I know there's a lot to be positive about but this up and down is driving me crazy. Sorry guys your all going through your own battles I don't want all my posts to sound like a black cloud
Oh LJ, the waiting does seem endless doesn’t it. But you can say anything you want here about how you feel, that’s what the group is for..to let out your worries and feelings and to know that we are listening and can understand exactly how you feel.
Stage 2 would mean it had spread into surrounding tissue in my understanding and according to the staging classification system for cervical cancer, so I’m not sure what they mean by this. My tumour was just under 4cm and was growing into the vaginal wall, which is what the mri showed and what the treatment was based on and it confirmed my stage as 2b. I didn’t have a pet scan at diagnosis-just the mri and ct scan. But every different scan gives them different information to work from and build the bigger picture.
What is the next step for you-have they said what you need to wait for now?
Keep posting here with us and we are always here to listen.
Sarah xx
It’s very hard for other people, because no matter how much they try, they cannot understand any of this and how it feels. They are viewing things from a different perspective and seeing it very differently. They care, so they're worried about you, and think it’s being helpful to say things like “be positive”. Unfortunately it isn’t. It’s just impossible to be strong and positive all the time-we are only human and even without cancer no-one can feel positive 100% of the time. It’s not realistic.
So the multi disciplinary team will review everything and your stage may change down the way, and it would put the cancer as confined to the cervix. Yes, you could say that’s positive, but you’re still diagnosed with cancer and will need treatment so it’s normal to feel down about that.
I did kind of shut myself off from people at the start-those I told were well meaning but didn’t really understand and kept telling me statistics from Google and all about their auntie with cancer who lived to be 100! It was easier just to disengage with all the stuff that wasn’t making me feel any better about my situation. I just wanted to scream “you have no idea!!!!”
i wish now that I had joined support groups to be with people who did understand because I found it very lonely not being able to chat with people who did understand.
So stay with us LJ and you can vent whenever you need to and know it’s a safe place to let your feelings out so you can deal with how you feel. Better out than in!
Sarah xx
It’s quite normal to feel you don’t want to be around people-I still have days like that, even now, when all I want to do is be on my own and head under the duvet. Just accept there are days like that, but there will be better days too once you know more.
I’m doing ok thanks-in my position I’m just glad to still be here, but it’s still not a bed of roses every day, and some days are just harder than others.
Sarah xx
Hi LJ86
How are you feeling today? Hope you’ve got something planned this weekend to distract yourself a bit if you can-meeting a friend for coffee or even catching up with a friend on the phone can help. Or just do something nice for yourself to take your mind away from things for a while, and move a little away from that black cloud.
Sarah xx
I think all of these feelings are justifiable and natural to be honest. Do you think it might help to get some counselling? The danger is that you get consumed by negative feelings and it becomes harder and harder to see any positives anywhere.
Reading about chemo and radiation might not be terribly helpful if you focus on the potential side effects from them. You are unique in yourself and may not suffer side effects at all or they may be easily manageable. No two people react the same. Any side effects would be carefully managed by your team in any case.
It’s natural to be fearful of what we don’t know, but deep down you will know that you need this treatment. If you decide not to go ahead with treatment, which of course is everyone’s right, then you would need to be very aware of the consequences, but I hope you can find the strength within you to go ahead with it. I do know people who made that decision not to have treatment, but I hope that all of us here can encourage you to take it and know you can get through it. Treatment is nothing compared to advanced cancer, and you have a cancer which can be cured by treatment.
You are grieving the loss of being able to have another child, and that in itself is something you need to be able to process. I didn’t have to deal with that because I was already post menopausal, so maybe some of the other ladies can describe how they dealt with this. But I did have to accept the fact I could never have sex again because I had my vagina removed. I live with two stomas and all the organs in my pelvis removed. For me, getting well and living made that almost a minor issue in the grand scheme of things.
I'm sorry if I am coming across as unsympathetic in any way, as that isn’t my intention at all, but 6 weeks or so out of your life to get rid of this cancer is so worth it. You are in a bit of a black hole right now, and the longer you are in it, the harder it is to crawl out of it. That’s why I feel some professional help and counselling might be very helpful for you to come to terms with everything.
Sarah xx
