Mum diagnosed with secondary breast cancer that's spread to her bones

Hi Tilly

Sorry to hear what has happened to both of your parents. Incurable cancer just means the cancer has spread from its original site, travelling either via lymph or blood streams. There could be cancer cells circulating anywhere, so the usual approach is to treat in order to reduce the cancer load and therefore symptoms, whilst also minimising side effects. Depending on the type and amount of cancer, the reaction to treatment, overall health etc, some people can live for a long time like this. Terminal is usually used to describe the final stage when there is certainty the patient will die soon. Hopefully your mum is incurable and treatable, and will be able to maintain a reasonable quality of life for some time. Unfortunately all of us incurables die at some point, but it can be with cancer rather than because of cancer.

I have metastatic TNBC which had spread to my liver. Following treatment, I have been in remission for some months - ie no visible evidence of cancer. So that can happen too. 

It does become easier once you have a treatment plan and your mum can start to adjust to whatever that entails. I can’t imagine how tough this is for you all having just lost her husband / your father. 

Hi Coddfish

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing that with me I really appreciate it 

When we see the oncologist and we can get clarity that'll be a huge help to understand what we're up against.

I'm so pleased to hear you've been in remission, cancer is a truly awful thing and it's not until you're either suffering with it or see a loved one suffer/die from it does it truly hit home how horrendous it is but also how important it is to have hope and I'm hopeful that mam will respond well to the treatment, she's otherwise healthy so hopefully that'll stand her in good stead xx

Hi Tilly

Sorry to hear about your mum.  As Coddfish says, once cancer has spread through your body from your breast it becomes secondary, stage 4 or metastatic breast cancer and yes it is incurable but can hopefully be controlled with treatment.   I have the same since this time last year, as have many of us unfortunately.  I am on treatment and had radiotherapy on my spine which has reduced the cancer.  There are many new and successful treatments available now.  Terminal I understand as being less than 12 months to live.

Once your Mum has a treatment plan things will become easier.

I am in a Secondary Breast Cancer Support group which is invaluable as we all have similar and it is easier when others understand exactly what you are going through.  Check out Breast Cancer Now who run these across UK.  Make Seconds Count are similar.  Some friends in the group have had SBC for many years and live a full and active life.

Hopefully that helps a little.

K x

Hi K

Thank you for your response and sharing that with me. Mum is eager to start treatment which is completely understandable so hopefully she will have the oncology appointment asap so we can get clarity and she can begin.

My mother noticed changes in her breast in lockdown z couldn't get an appointment and left it because she wasn't experiencing any symptoms (unbeknown to my sister and I until she told us 2 weeks ago). 

My biggest concern is because ages potentially had this die years has this limited gee options or time which is a very frightening thought... The treatment should work as she's otherwise a very healthy 77 year old 

Thank you for the support group info I'll check it out x

Morning Tilly, sorry to hear about your Mums diagnosis. I have Secondary breast cancer after being cancer free for over 20 years. Diagnosed 2 years ago with Metastatic breast cancer ER8, PR7,HER2 -ve in my left jaw for which l was taking Anastrozole tablet daily which was keeping it under control then in April this year l had a full body scan as l was suffering with severe back pain and was diagnosed with Increased bony metastic disease for which l am now having Fulvestrant injections and Ribociclib  tablets, Anastrozole has been stopped now. I am 78 

I wish your Mum well.