Mum diagnosed with secondary breast cancer that's spread to her bones

Hi Tilly

Sorry to hear what has happened to both of your parents. Incurable cancer just means the cancer has spread from its original site, travelling either via lymph or blood streams. There could be cancer cells circulating anywhere, so the usual approach is to treat in order to reduce the cancer load and therefore symptoms, whilst also minimising side effects. Depending on the type and amount of cancer, the reaction to treatment, overall health etc, some people can live for a long time like this. Terminal is usually used to describe the final stage when there is certainty the patient will die soon. Hopefully your mum is incurable and treatable, and will be able to maintain a reasonable quality of life for some time. Unfortunately all of us incurables die at some point, but it can be with cancer rather than because of cancer.

I have metastatic TNBC which had spread to my liver. Following treatment, I have been in remission for some months - ie no visible evidence of cancer. So that can happen too. 

It does become easier once you have a treatment plan and your mum can start to adjust to whatever that entails. I can’t imagine how tough this is for you all having just lost her husband / your father. 

Hi Coddfish

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing that with me I really appreciate it 

When we see the oncologist and we can get clarity that'll be a huge help to understand what we're up against.

I'm so pleased to hear you've been in remission, cancer is a truly awful thing and it's not until you're either suffering with it or see a loved one suffer/die from it does it truly hit home how horrendous it is but also how important it is to have hope and I'm hopeful that mam will respond well to the treatment, she's otherwise healthy so hopefully that'll stand her in good stead xx

Hi Tilly

Sorry to hear about your mum.  As Coddfish says, once cancer has spread through your body from your breast it becomes secondary, stage 4 or metastatic breast cancer and yes it is incurable but can hopefully be controlled with treatment.   I have the same since this time last year, as have many of us unfortunately.  I am on treatment and had radiotherapy on my spine which has reduced the cancer.  There are many new and successful treatments available now.  Terminal I understand as being less than 12 months to live.

Once your Mum has a treatment plan things will become easier.

I am in a Secondary Breast Cancer Support group which is invaluable as we all have similar and it is easier when others understand exactly what you are going through.  Check out Breast Cancer Now who run these across UK.  Make Seconds Count are similar.  Some friends in the group have had SBC for many years and live a full and active life.

Hopefully that helps a little.

K x

Hi K

Thank you for your response and sharing that with me. Mum is eager to start treatment which is completely understandable so hopefully she will have the oncology appointment asap so we can get clarity and she can begin.

My mother noticed changes in her breast in lockdown z couldn't get an appointment and left it because she wasn't experiencing any symptoms (unbeknown to my sister and I until she told us 2 weeks ago). 

My biggest concern is because ages potentially had this die years has this limited gee options or time which is a very frightening thought... The treatment should work as she's otherwise a very healthy 77 year old 

Thank you for the support group info I'll check it out x

Morning Tilly, sorry to hear about your Mums diagnosis. I have Secondary breast cancer after being cancer free for over 20 years. Diagnosed 2 years ago with Metastatic breast cancer ER8, PR7,HER2 -ve in my left jaw for which l was taking Anastrozole tablet daily which was keeping it under control then in April this year l had a full body scan as l was suffering with severe back pain and was diagnosed with Increased bony metastic disease for which l am now having Fulvestrant injections and Ribociclib  tablets, Anastrozole has been stopped now. I am 78 

I wish your Mum well. 

*update*

The oncologist confirmed that the secondary breast cancer of the bone is present in all of the bones scanned in her CT which is basically pelvis, entire spine, shoulders etc... she's now been referred to have a bone scan to check the rest of her bones. They're also going to start her on bone strengthening treatment, mam just needs to get a recent dentist checkup done (has one tomorrow after having to sort them out to get one sooner than December that they tried to book her for!) and she's had bloods done , dentist is required before they start the treatment due to it potentially impacting her jaw/teeth... 

She confirmed it's stage 4 incurable secondary breast cancer which she said "I won't be surprised if it's in the kidney/bladder tube" as mam has a cystoscopy next week to check the tube that connecther bladder and right kidney... So there's a chance the cancer is there as well   the appointment for that is a week Friday!  

The breast cancer she has is a hormonal one... She's been given letrozole to take from the day of the appointment & we're waiting for the final result of the biopsy to understand if it's HER2 positive/negative as that will dictate of she then has chemo or tablets

I'm pleased that mam can now finally make a start on her treatment journey & has something in the meantime but finding out the extent of the spread to the bones and now potentially in the kidney feels like finding out allover again... My mother has been incredibly brave during these appointments and the entire journey since finding out... I'm being strong for her but my god it's so hard to process this.

Hi Tilly, This is very hard on you but at least the ball is rolling now and your mum is getting a detailed diagnosis. Just be reassured that there is treatment available. I have metastatic BC which has spread to my spine. Only found out because I had broken a vertebrae and it showed up on the CT.  I am still trying to get my head around this but I have been told to think of metastatic cancer as a chronic disease like e.g. diabetes which can be treated.  Those affected by cancer are made to realise so unkindly that life does not go on indefinitely whereas the others carry on pretending that they are going to live forever.  Staring at the inevitable helps me get my act together and stops me wasting time putting things off until tomorrow. Was always a bit of a procrastinator.  I am 68.

I wish you and your mum all the best. Hugs xx