Shock of new diagnosis

Hi this is similar to my story started back in 2024  August told 3 separate occasions it was a cyst untill on the 3rd time I insisted on biopsy as my doctor requested in the 1 place because I've got dence breast had to have ultrasound which picked up lump so then had 2 lumpectomys then told would have chemotherapy followed by mastectomy i have stage 3 Her2 had 12 lymph nodes removed 2 had cancer good luck and yes take 1 day at a time 

Hi, thanks for replying and for sharing your story. That sounds like a frustrating experience, and good to hear that you are being treated now.

As you say, we are going to try and take each day at a time.

Hi Yorkshire_Lad,  I am sorry to hear what your wife is going through.  I had lumpectomy, chemo and radiotherapy.  The one piece of advice which was the most valuable given to me is to try and keep to your normal routine as much as possible.  It is not only good for your daughter but also your wife as it will give her the feeling of control of what she can.  It is hard especially when going through chemo but I tried to keep to my routine as much as possible.  I wish you, your wife and daughter all the best because cancer effects the whole family.  Good luck we are all here for you.

Lee xx

Hello Yorkshire_Lad 

I wanted to reach out as I am also from Yorkshire and the same age as your wife. My husband and I have a daughter aged 11. 

I was in the same boat in May 2025, found a lump - went for mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy and the surgeon told us there and then it was cancer before biopsy results came back. I wonder if it was same place - I went to St Lukes in Bradford. 

Mine was also IDC and grade 3 - the lump was 4cm and I was able to have a lumpectomy due to the location of the tumor. MRI didn't pick up anything else and as I was Her2 negative I had surgery first - they took 3 lymph nodes out and found 5mm of cancer in one.  I also needed another surgery as they didn't get a clear enough margin of tissue around the tumor. This is one benefit of mastectomy - you will not need a re incision (but obviously there are other surgeries possibly needed for reconstruction etc). 

I knew early days that I needed Chemo due to my age, size and grade of tumor. I was dreading it so much but having come through the other side -it was nowhere near as bad as I expected. I walked the dog 98% of the time each day during the 5 month period. I am still a bit achey but if your wife is well and fit there is no reason she shouldn't be the same. 

It's a horrible thing to have to go through. I am currently waiting to see if the cancer has spread as they wouldn't do any full body scans at the outset - I managed to persuade them after chemo as I was feeling very anxious. Following a recent CT scan they have found 2 undeterminable lesions on my lung and spine so I need a PET scan on Friday to see if they are "active" - if all benign then 20 sessions of radiotherapy will start. 

If you or your wife have any questions at all I am happy to help. 

I wish you the best. 

Andrea

Hi there, I'm so sorry you are all going through this.

I am 45, and was diagnosed in October. It came as a massive shock to me and my husband too - I have never had any health issues, have always been active and careful with what I eat...so a total bolt out of the blue to be told I had cancer after discovering a lump. Even now, months down the line, although I have come to terms with it, it still feels an odd thing to have happened to me, as well as all the appointments etc.

We have a 12 year old son, and found that being honest and transparent with him from the outset helped him a lot...although I know your daughter is younger and all children are different- just thought I'd mention how we approached things with him.

I have had chemotherapy first, and will have surgery in a few weeks. I found the chemotherapy manageable with hardly any side effects - I wanted to reassure you that not everyone struggles so hopefully your wife won't either. 

I personally found it helpful to deal with the news as something that needed to be handled 'alongside normal life' rather than thinking of cancer as taking over my life. I think this helps when you have children, as the day to day life still continues. I also mentally broke each stage down into manageable chunks, as the thought of it all is overwhelming at the start.

Best of luck to you all x

Hi Lee, thanks for your message and for sharing your advice. We are trying to keep our normal routine as much as possible, and if we build anything into it then it's something good for us like meditation or more exercise. Our daughter is aware of what's going on, at a level, but we are not discussing it with her every day. Just trying to retain as much normality as possible in our lives.

Thanks again x

Hi Andrea,

Thanks for your kind message and for sharing your story. It does sound quite similar. 

Also thank you for the positive views of chemotherapy. I think this is what is concerning my wife the most. It is good to hear that you were able to keep up your routine for most of the time during your treatment.

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having to wait for further scans. The PET-CT Scan will hopefully show up clear and you'll be able to focus on the radiotherapy - and hopefully that will not have too many side effects (this seems to be what we are hearing).

All the best to you and best of luck for your scan on Friday!

PS - I'm originally from Bradford, and I know St Luke's, but we're based down in Essex now. So Broomfield is our local hospital.

Hi there, Thanks for sharing your story and for the advice around taking this on 'alongside normal life'. Something that has really shocked us is how many people are going through this - especially at such a young age and when in good health.

Totally understand your perspective regarding speaking to children. Our daughter knows about it - at a level that we think is age appropriate. We've told her that if she has any questions or if she is upset about things to talk to us about it. We are just trying to keep her routine as normal, so that she feels safe and secure.

Thank you for sharing your perspective on chemotherapy - this is reassuring. Particularly as this is the part that my wife is most concerned about.

All the best x