Recall after 1st annual Mammogram

Oh gosh I’m so scared of this happening to me. I have my MRI and mammogram soon, first one after all the treatment, I just want to cry all the time. Feeling exactly like you, don’t think I can go through it all again. So so scared so I really understand how you might be feeling. 

I was told MRI’s are very sensitive and can show up things. Ie did you have moisturiser/fake tan/deodorant on? that can show up as white spots. 
When I had my MRI at diagnosis something was seen on my good breast, they did an ultrasound and said they couldn’t see anything so that was that but it is at the back of mind something could have been lurking there as like you I have dense breasts also. 

I’ve just been researching about cells dividing again after being damaged by chemo (the rapid division leading to cancer) and it says it can take years for cells to rapidly divide again ie potentially become cancerous. 

Please keep us updated, I’ll be thinking about you all the time now as I am so scared and know how you will be feeling. 

so sorry to hear that, but at least you are on their radar, i cold capped through both cancers and it was worth it, i do realise with some chemo types, its not effective, but i am glad i did it.  such a shame that its not widely offered.  good luck with the scans

jules

Ah thank you.

The scanxiety is real, the feeling before your check ups….I had mine 17th& 18th Dec and as I hadn’t heard I actually started to think no news is good news….I’d be less worried I think if it was surgery side - thinking scar tissue, but it’s the good side.

I had an MRI a year ago so I know they’ll have a comparison, that’s scares me more.️

I had chemo and radiotherapy and am taking Tamoxifen so I’m worried it’s a new cancer rather than a reoccurrence - if that makes sense.

the fear just never goes does it ️

I really hope yours all goes well too️xxx

No the fear never goes away it’s horrible. We’ve been through so much (I had chemo and radiotherapy and mastectomy and now on letrozole and Abemaciclib) and it’s just like ptsd going through it all again. Like you, I just want to get on with my life, getting my hair back, my fitness back etc. My partner said to me yesterday shall we book that holiday (abroad) and I just burst into tears and said I can’t until I’ve had these scans and got results as so scared they’ll find something. I keep welling up it’s horrible thinking is my good breast looking different/have I got pain in it etc. 

totally get that sparkle, never did reconstruction, they didnt really sell it, i was so tiny they would have had to take various grafts, and another week in hospital did put me off.  husband said he didnt care, just wanted me well again.  4 months after final radiotherapy after the masectomy, had weight loss issues then swallowing issues, one camera later, told its back in your oesophagus. thought well we did it once, christ was i wrong, and like you say, the scananxiety is horrific, try to explain to my husband how i will turn into the devil with a week of cancer appointments and crap to deal with, counselling helped to explain why i act like i do.  currently after ct scan have 2 reactive nodes in my neck, only picked up as i insisited on the 3 monthly scan they missed off in october, and i had sore shoulder and arm issues.  so just waiting for that dreaded pet scan, but i just want to know for sure what is going on if anything, hate the scan wait, the trying to jab a vein as they cant use my right arm, and then the results waiting, ptsd deffo.

totally get the tears and the anxiety, wish we had gone away before i had the masectomy, but it was all so rushed.  said to hubs lets get the pet scan done, and results, and if its all good, we will book something in the sun, if my mental state can handle it, and if i need further treatment, then we will still bugger off before treatment. (allegedly), never cried so much over the last 2 years.

thinking of you all, next anxiety getting a decent swimwear top, might raid primarni and then just get it amended.

love and hugs, jules

It is like PTSD isn’t it️ you almost just start to relax a little and feel like you’re moving on and Bam! - then a reminder not to get to complacent….

we moved our holiday from last year to this, and now on a similar position.

It literally was all going on this time last year, and here we are again….

big hug to you too xxx

the only good thing is, at least we are not the novices we were when it all happened first time, we never really questioned much, now not scared to push back or question some of their actions.  its just that feeling of doing something nice then jinxing it, let us know how you get on newjourney, just looking at travel insurance costs, holy s££t!!!

take care jules

Hi NewJourney

Sorry to hear that you a in a similar position to last year.

Sending hugs xx

Daisy53

I’m so sorry of what you’re going through- it is just so rubbish isn’t it

I know what you mean about crying so many tears. I’m in numb mode atm,….but I know the tears will come. Just feels so unfair. Xxx

That is very true. I think last year as it was so new it took a while to get your head around everything. Understanding the different types of cancer…..hormone fed, triple negative, Hert2 positive or negative
Where as now I feel almost more scared knowing what I know - does that make sense.

For me it’s a little ignorance is bliss…

We booked a holiday last minute in September but I couldn’t get full Insurance, well I could for luggage etc, but nothing if I was ill and it was related to cancer. I was told I needed to be clear for 12 months after my treatment had finished!
I felt absolutely fine so we went. I get travel Insurance with my bank account but as I declared it the cost didn’t go up. We’re due to go away again in March but feels like it’s been jinxed - that was one we moved from last year to this year….

ill update you how I get on Tuesday xxxxx