Hate my mastectomy scar

Please don't focus on how it is now..... time will change - for now if you can look at it as 'this had to be done to save you'.

I do think the more you focus on your scar the worse you will feel about it.  Try hard to embrace it, things could be so much worse.

I had lumpectomy and I couldn't look at myself in the mirror for ages.... and I suppose in my mind there was no point in looking at it from the mirror, focus on you and moving forward.  Time will change how the scar looks it really will.  I had a triangled shape indent that showed when I learned forward.... over the weeks, months and years it has filled in.  Our bodies do amazing things.

For now try hard to 'love you' and be thankful for the scar and for what it represents (if thats the right wording).

After all I have said about not looking in the mirror of course you need to keep your eye on the wound and the healing - if it is raw or itchy or inflamed or red etc you need to contact your Breast Care Nurse, Doctor's surgery or Practice Nurse to get them to look at how the healing process is going as you might have an infection developing.

xxxx 

As WhatHappened said, don’t focus on how it looks now.  My mastectomy scar was awful with a weird double lump under my arm which was an attempt to disguise a dog ear!   After a few months it all settled down and even the fake dog ear didn’t look so bad.  I elected not to have reconstruction but was told I could change my mind within two years!  Talk to your breast care nurse about the way you feel and he or she I’m sure will put your mind at rest. They may even offer you counselling or talk about improvements after it’s all settled down.  But most likely and hopefully you will feel a lot better about it by then. 
sending best wishes. M x

I think that by law you can have reconstruction any time in the future:)

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../deciding-about-breast-reconstruction

Really!  Is that NHS England?   If so I wonder why I was told within two years. He even added depending on availability as urgent cases take priority.  I wasn’t interested in reconstruction so I took little notice.  Thanks for letting me know about this, it’s interesting.  Regards M x

I was told there are long waiting lists under NHS. They probably deem it more a cosmetic procedure. I’ll see how I feel once treatment ends. 

Hi, it sounds a bit trite but it will probably improve in appearance soon as your tissue continues healing.  I couldn't look at my breast for a long time even before my mx - I wore a bikini top in the bath as it looked ugly to me (I had blue dye remnants around my nipple from a previous breast op).  I made myself look when the nurse changed my dressings post-op, and it did help a bit to accept it had to happen to save my life.  You will grieve your old body of course, it's only natural.  If you are concerned, please see your breast care nurse.

Hi RDK, thanks so much for sharing this.

I don't know if this'll help but this is my experience. 

It'll be four weeks on Tuesday since I had bilateral surgery, mastectomy and lumpectomy. When I first came home, I covered up the full length mirror in my bedroom, I was sure I wouldn't be able to look in a mirror for ages.

The instruction from the hospital, was to remove the top dressing after 48hrs. I couldn't bear to do it, so went to see my nurse. She gave me an extra dressing to put on, if I wasn't ready to be without, once I'd showered.  I don't know when/how I decided to but the first tine I had a full shower, I just looked. 

What a peculiar thing, to be so changed! At first I thought it's hideous. It certainly doesn't look completely flat like some pictures I've seen of other post mastectomy women. But as the days and weeks have passed, I feel less shocked by the sight of my 'new' body. I do a daily massage of the whole area and I repeat a few mantras, thanking my scar for helping to save me, I say farewell to my missing breast. I can see improvements, as the bruising and swelling recedes. 

Despite all this, the other day as I was getting undressed to shower, I suddenly felt a wave of fear of seeing myself in the mirror.  I made myself look though and had a good sobbing session.

I guess this is our reality. We are grieving for the body we had. I've never even been into my boobs! But I also never banked on losing one. 

I opted for delayed reconstruction, on my surgeon's advice. The waiting time is 18mths in my area but I imagine that's 18mths from the end of treatment cause I expect I'm not on the list now. My nurse also said that it's common for reconstructions to get bumped multiple times, as those who are having immediate reconstruction get priority. 

I'll be 59 shortly and whilst I'm still incredibly vain, will I want to put myself through another major surgery in 2/3 yrs time? 

Just read your comment and it does help,  I'm due masectomy June and not having reconstruction due to having MS and don't want to put my body through it and have an impact on MS,  I'm 55 and have never been vain about my boobs and don't like looking at my naked body too!! But I am anxious about looking at it not being there,  like you say grieving for the body you had x 

Hi Triker, thank you for your reply. Wishing you well with your surgery and beyond. Big hugs x 

I’m the same. I’m only 41 and by the time I finish treatment I’m not sure if i want to out myself through more surgery but will see how I feel as they’ll be a long wait in list.