When friends ask 'how can we help?'

Hi,

Post mastectomy I felt very tired and the pain in my chest and arm limited what I could do.  So I would say ask people to batch cook some meals for the freezer for you so you can just microwave stuff while you are recovering and it might be easy enough for the 12 year old to help with?  Also maybe ask people of they could clean the house for you as movement is limited and painful at first.  I struggled getting comfortable enough to sleep so lots and lots of pillows and a v shape cushion would be great to have ready. Hope all goes okay with surgery.

X

Help with transport - if you drive then you won't be able to for a few weeks after surgery.

And help with cleaning/ironing/carrying the shopping.

Otherwise,  just a bit of company.  

Good luck, 

We had someone have our daughter overnight before my surgery as I had to be at the hospital at 7am. They would also need to be prepared to have your kids a 2nd night if you aren't discharged the same day as planned. You will also need some to be with you overnight after your anaesthetic. The first few days I was tired and in a bit of pain so it might be sensible to have someone with you to keep an eye on you. I found my daughter was good reminding me about the shoulder exercises so you might want to consider asking your kids to help with that so they feel involved.

As you say play dates are sensible, especially as your recovery is over half term. Other helpful things they can do are meals you can easily reheat, help with shopping if you can't do online shopping, lifts to appointments (I was told to not drive for 6 weeks), cleaning, changing bed linen, washing. Anything that involves heavy lifting. 

A few weeks on my friends would take me out for coffee to get me out of the house which was really great.

Good luck with the surgery. 

Thanks so much - I need more pillows for sure! 

Thank you - luckily I live in a small town so can walk to most places, tho appreciate I may not be able to carry everything I need back. My neighbours are brilliant for food shopping needs - so grateful for that.

Such a lovely idea to involve the kids in my post op exercises - they will love the opportunity to boss me around! I think maybe I need to factor on someone staying with me for a couple of nights that week - will also help with school run needs. I'm hoping their Dad will be taking kids away for a few days over half term so that will help a bit. I'm trying to get some meal plans together for post op and a couple of things in the freezer too. 6 weeks is a long time not to drive - tho I can walk everywhere as I am in a town the kids will need lifts to clubs - it sounds like I need to sort some support out for that for a bit longer after the op too. I've connected with a local lady who declutters, does errands etc. for people in our town so hoping that helps with some jobs. Also, I'm teaching my kids how to change their duvets themselves - thought it was about time! Thank you for all your thoughts - super useful! 

Sounds like you have a wonderful group of friends. Maybe if people ask be honest with them and say you aren't sure what you will need but I know you are there for me and I will reach out if I need anything. Certainly help with the kids will be invaluable for you. Maybe you could set up a rota of friends coming round so they can help with things like housework laundry etc as you won't be able to do alot of lifting. By doing a rota you will in control and able to ensure you get plenty of rest and you won't have lots of visitors one day and none another. 

My mum when preparing for bowel cancer surgery, living on her own organised her freezer and made a list of what was in each drawer so that when friends came round to look after her they knew what was what for preparing meals for her. 

That is a really good idea - it's important we still feel in control (especially when so many things are out of our control!). A rota is brilliant, I think it will also help friends to feel like they are needed and useful so they can support as they would like to. Thank you

A v shape pillow is good if you can find one - perhaps your friends can hunt one down, with two matching pillow cases