Finally facing the reality!!!

Hi

I went to the GP in September when I noticed a lump in my right breast. They referred me to do the 2 weeks scan. I wasn’t worried at all as there was no family history of breast cancer. I went to do the scan with my 7 years old daughter because it was October half term. She wanted to spend some time with me as I worked a lot over the summer holidays.

Then during the scan, I regretted my decision to take her with me. The lady who did my scan didn’t say anything for a while. She just said you need a mammogram and a biopsy. “I am suspecting something but don’t worry”. I felt guilty that I took my daughter with me; but the hospital staff were so friendly and helpful and told me not to worry  and that they will look after her! You look after yourself now!!

My husband was at work on the day and  I was completely lost alone with my daughter! I was hoping not to understand what she said thinking to myself that my English wasn’t good enough (French native). First thing in my head, how I am going to relay this to my husband. He already lost his mother in 2008 with cancer and for this to happen again!!!

I went back a week after with my husband this time and we were told that I have 2 tumours; one at 225mm and another at 1mm and that I was HER2 positive grade 2. I had to start the treatment by having chemotherapy first followed by surgery. At this point my next thought was about how I was going to break the news to my parents and my daughter. Once we came back home to let them know, my dad started crying and screaming!! My mother didn’t say anything and couldn’t talk to me for a whole day. While I lived in the UK and them in France and going by their reaction; I was so concerned that I asked my brother to check on them who also lives there.

During chemotherapy I decided to work (hybrid work mainly) to keep myself busy and not feeling down nor worried… My family was so supportive, and my parents have stayed with us until I finished my treatment.

Having chemotherapy was so challenging; losing hair, eyelashes and eyebrows but that wasn’t the worst. From my personal experience, my 4th chemotherapy was the worst one.  I had docetaxel and that treatment took its toll on me. My whole body was hurting, my white cell count was 3 times higher than the normal. My oncologist was so concerned by this that they changed my treatment for the weekly one called Paclitaxel. Coupled with this I also had Phesgo injections 3 times in while having the chemotherapy.  At the end of the day of the treatment on the same night; I suffered from being short of breath and my husband rushed me to the A&E. Once again as I have had many trips there I thought it was nothing. However I couldn’t be any wrong.  I was told that I had heart failure due to my chemotherapy treatment. I couldn’t and wouldn’t believe that I had a breast cancer and to be told that I had heart failure felt like a final nail in the coffin!!!

I had an amazing cardiologist, she was awesome, she told me not to worry and that she will help me to get better. We will plan and try to fix you before your surgery in June. She saw me on a weekly basis and at one stage my heart wasn’t improving as much as they were expecting. So my surgery was postponed. The heart took extra time than the usual to recover from the treatment to the point that the oncologist were thinking to give me another session of chemotherapy until I was fit enough to have the surgery. At this point I was even asking my cardiologist what I can do to aid the recovery so I can have the operation and she replied by saying that even for me to get on the list for a heart transplant I needed to be cancer free. She even consulted my case with fellow colleagues and came back with an alternative plan if the heart were not to improve; but to tell you the truth it was something I wouldn’t have gone through with as scary, and my chances would have been 50-50.

I was losing hope! Come end of July I had another echocardiogram and finally my heart started to show some improvement. Although it was minimal it was enough and my breast surgeon was happy enough to do the surgery and pencilled in a new day for it. I could see some light at the end of the  tunnel. I had my surgery on the 21^st of August and I never thought I will make it through. When I opened my eyes the first thing I said “did I have a heart attack? “ they said no. Then “any heart issues?” They said no… everything went well. I couldn’t believe it! I am not used to good news. Just after the surgery I cried and cried… my husband didn’t understand why! Same with my brother! I said to them I am okay, I made it!!

My brother said : are you crazy? Why are you crying? You are okay!!

I was supposed to stay 3 days at the hospital but they only kept me for one night at the recovery unit.

Since then I have seen the surgeon couple times with the last one being yesterday and he is happy with how everything has turned out and was given the good news of saying that all the cancer has been removed and that there  is no spread on the lymph node - which is good !

The surgeon has handed my case back over to the oncology team now. At this moment in time I feel lost I am not sure why!

I know I am not the same person, I feel strange, not sure about this new feeling. I feel lost and have mixed feelings !!  If someone can help me with this please?

The next step for me is to have radiotherapy and fully recover from the surgery.

We all have our story, main thing is we need to be POSITIVE! It’s easy to say but hard to be positive all the time. 

DJEY xx