How do I accept my mums dying

Hi Sara9, so sorry to hear about your Mum. The support network at Macmillan is great and we too are here for you as well to help where we can. If you reach out to Macmillan I’m sure they will be able to put you in contact with someone to help and talk things through with you. My Mum didn’t have cancer she had Alzheimer’s which robbed her of everything. I found it difficult at times as I was her main carer. My husband helped an awful lot at one point as he had no job, I was very lucky that he understood and support not only me but also her. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t really understand how you feel. Maybe speaking with someone together will help.

I’m sorry there is not much more I can do but I’m sure there will be others who can offer you some comfort because they have been through something similar with their loved ones. 

Sending lots of love and hugs cuffcake x x x x x

I’m so sorry you are going through this heartache.  I’m sorry too that your mum is so poorly.  I don’t have any advice I’m afraid other than have you ttried McMillan support.  Please try to take a break when you can, it’s important that whilst you look after your mum, you also look after yourself.  Best wishes. Xx

Hi Sara9 , so sorry for your situation. My mum died from metastatic breast cancer when I was 19 so a similar (and heartbreaking) experience. I’m 63 now and could still easily cry when I think about it in detail. 
Somehow you will cope, you’re already doing amazingly by being such a wonderful support for her. But it’s really important that you get some support yourself, especially as you feel that your nearest and dearest don’t understand. Often those closest to us just don’t get it, so it can be better to seek support outside close family and friends. I would hope that the palliative care team may be able to put you in touch with some carer support. And like cuffcake2000 has mentioned, the Macmillan community supports all affected by cancer, not just those with cancer. So please phone the helpline here for further information about support for carers. 
Another place I’d suggest is Future Dreams in Kings Cross - you could visit in person if you’re near london but they also do online stuff. I have only been there once but will definitely go again as it’s a lovely place - it’s for anyone affected by breast cancer. At the session (on diet)  I attended there was a young lady there whose friend in another country had breast cancer so she was gathering information for her, which I thought was lovely. 
There’s also a friends and family section here which you may already have seen. 
I hope the meeting with the palliative team went as well as possible today. Sending love and a big virtual hug your way, HFxxxx

This is the place in Kings Cross….

https://futuredreams.org.uk/

Dear Sara9. I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time and am sending much love and virtual hugs to you . I hope you find the other ladies information regarding support useful.

You sound like a wonderful daughter who your Mum must be really proud of. Take care .

It's very hard to come to terms with what is happening. My Mother had a Rocket drain. She had bowel cancer, she was in her 80s. It's an impossible thing to explain to your husband. I just felt stressed but tried to rise above it. I couldn't really admit to myself she was going to die until it happened. Part of my brain got it but another was just wishing it wasn't true. 

I was so angry and unforgiving of people who let her down after she had died. I complained about who needed complaining about. Had bereavement counselling from the Hospice. My  Mother had Alzheimer's as well. My husband was useless but it wasn't his Mother. Broke my heart going through this with her. It's made me more passionate in some ways. My son needs a lot of help. I push and keep pushing if he needs better care from the Health Service. He's Epileptic and Autistic. 

Love your Mother as much as you can. You will never forget this and never regret your sacrifice. Remember yourself as well, having a massage or something occasionally might help. It's literally what we are here for I feel. 

Hi Sara9 I’m sure you won’t remember me but I was diagnosed at a similar time to your mum and we talked before. I’m so sad for what has happened to you and your mum. I didn’t see you post for a while so I hoped it had been a good outcome for you both. I’m not sure you will, can or should accept what is happening but I hope you know that this is a safe space to come and vent your feelings and anger. Life is so bloody unfair, I want to rage against it all sometimes. My only advice is to see a counsellor, start now, I would recommend Macmillan to help with this but you only get a few sessions and you’re going to need ongoing support for longer than they provide help for so if you can afford it then find somewhere local. It’s normal to feel angry that people don’t understand and I know it’s for different reasons but I also get angry that people don’t understand fully what me and my daughter have been through, she gets angry sometimes too, but you’re right, it’s hard for people to get. 

There is also a friends and family forum that is much quieter than here but I notice often there’s a couple of lovely posters on there who give very good support and wise advice. Just sending you love x

 cuffcake2000 thank you for your advice. I’m sorry about your mum. Your mum was lucky to have someone like you taking care of her xx

I haven’t ever thought about speaking to someone together with my husband about all of this, but it does sound like something I would actually like to try, thank you for suggesting that. 

Sending lots of love xx

 HappyFeet1 thank you for your lovely words of comfort, I really needed it. Sometimes I do feel guilty for feeling the way I do because I think to myself that it’s not even me who has cancer, and it just feels like I’m making things about me. But knowing there is support out there for family and friends of those diagnosed reassured me that I’m not the only one. 

sending lots of love xx

• Ever since mum got sick, I have felt so much anger to the people around her, including my dad and my grandmother (fathers side). My mum has the biggest heart, always put peoples needs above her own, and it always made me angry for her that she never felt like she deserved go out herself first. 
  It’s heartbreaking enough to watch my mum suffer, and on top of it having to come to terms with the fact my husband, the person who is supposed to be my soulmate, will never really understand what I am going through. I feel so guilty that I let my emotions pretty much ruin our marriage, we never really had the chance to be newly weds as mums health declined pretty fast after my wedding. But if he can’t be there for me during the hardest time of my life, will he ever be ? I love him so much, but it’s just so difficult dealing with my mum dying and potentially a broken marriage. 
  I live and breath for mum, I feel like there’s not enough time in the world for me to ever show her how much I love her, she has been the best mum, she has shown me the true meaning of unconditional love and I would be lucky to even be half of the woman she is. 
  
  sending you love and hugs xxx