Starting to avoid people because of the silly things they say!!

Excellent rant! Xx

Yes... this stuff is tricky. I don't understand the "good shaped head" comments either. I try to take them as they're intended but it feels so incongruous.

Now that my hair's growing back people tell me the cropped look really suits me, they've done it before themselves and loved it, I should think about keeping it this way blah blah. I try to absorb these with love but inside I'm like... have you forgotten that I didn't CHOOSE this? Even if my cropped hair looked a mess or I somehow had a "badly" shaped head, I would have had no choice!

Tempting to ask such a person whether they've considered a similar haircut.......I think I'd be really upset inside if that had been said to me. The first thing that really bothered me about knowing I had cancer, but no other details was the hair aspect (and my hair isn't wonderful anyway.). It was the femininity aspect I think.  Luckily I escaped the need to have chemo, and had surgery and radiotherapy and hormone therapy. But that sort of thing said is just awful, and can cause needless hurt.

It's bizarre isn't it. For better or for worse each of us has some of our identity wrapped up in how we look, and usually we're all sensitive enough not to comment on others' appearances because we know how personal it is.

But somehow when cancer / treatment / illness is involved the personal becomes a public conversation.

Ummmm... NO?

radge.... you reminded me just now of an incident that has nothing to do with cancer but everything to do with people taking liberties and the personal beocming public domain. Someone in my circle was heavily and very visibly pregnant, and thoroughly fed up with people trying to touch her tummy. So much so, that the next time someone did that, she reached out with her own hand and grabbed that woman's boob.

So true! Pregnancy is another thing that invites weird behaviour I agree, love that response too, wish I’d thought to do that! X

Yes! I've not been pregnant but my sister said a similar thing.

It really throws into light the things that we societally are prepared to talk about, own, intrude on and act upon and the things that we just won't touch.

Pregnancy and cancer are seen as societal issues that we all have a say in. In a way they are... but not when it comes to each individual case!

Mine goes to the friend who said "sorry about your breast cancer, my friend died of that quite recently!"

Very comforting!

I know, people just don't think before they speak!

Why do you think I was relieved to find this forum? The one I hate is when people say “You’re a bit anxious . Have you tried breathing exercises?”. Answer “Yes I’m anxious. I have effing cancer. And yes breathing exercises can really help but not just because my anxiety freaks you out!”. Also, people keep telling me about all the people they know who’ve died of cancer. Not what I want to hear just now especially if it was 20 years ago!