Hi all
I’m new to this forum - and still getting my head around having cancer. I’m feeling grateful for the speed of care I’m getting but I’m also spiralling on and off and asking AI a lot of questions..while managing the process of telling friends and family. It’s hard - I don’t really know what I’m talking about, or what the full picture is. It’s a very odd unsettling time. I forget that I have cancer and then I remember again.
I had an MRI this week and now I’m waiting to find out the full extent of my surgery and treatment beyond that. I want to go in there prepared and ready but it’s hard to sensibly balance research vs. investigating worst case scenarios. Are there any questions that people further on in the process wish they had asked at this appointment? Is it better to take what comes in the moment?
I need to tell my 24 and 20 year old (grown up) children about my diagnosis but I don’t want to frighten them and wonder if I should wait till after the MRI follow up appointment. My plan is to talk to each of them face to face and as soon as possible. I want to be very matter of fact, and stick to the facts as I understand them right now. But I’m not a robot and I’m worried I’ll cry and make a hash of it.
I appreciate everyone’s situation is different - but maybe some of this sounds familiar?
thanks for any thoughts you can offer
maybe this is all stuff I can talk to my Breast Nurse about? I’m still figuring out who/how to talk about all of this.
x
Hi Danvers
I am sorry you have been diagnosed with breast cancer and are awaiting tests and appointments to understand more about it and the plan. In relation to questions you might ask at your appointment, Macmillan has a good set of resources on this which you can find here: https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/treatment/your-treatment-options/questions-to-ask-your-healthcare-team
For your grown up children, I think it depends on whether they live close by and see you often or not. You certainly don’t want them finding out from elsewhere, but if it can wait until after your appointment you will be in a better position to tell them what’s happening and answer any questions they may have. One thing to bear in mind is that treatment plans can change as more is understood. Again, our resources on how to talk to people might help. https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/diagnosis/talking-about-cancer
Your breast cancer nurse can also be a useful resource, particularly for understanding the likely impacts of treatment and related practical matters. Please don’t worry about breaking down and crying, it’s absolutely normal. My children don’t live locally, so I told them by phone. My son, who was 33 at the time, took it well. My daughter, who was 29 at the time, burst into tears on the phone and I found that hard to handle. A few months later I needed to tell them it was a lot worse than initially thought as it had spread to my liver. I Told my son straight away but waited for my daughter to return from holiday. I couldn’t get the words out with my daughter and had to hand the phone over to my husband.
Beware Dr Google. Whilst I also believe in researching so I can self advocate, stick to the information on trusted medical and cancer charity sites.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
I have metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer, in remission
