I guess where to begin is that I felt a sharp pain in my left breast last September and discovered a lump had formed. Made my gp appointment immediately, having watched and supported my mums stage 4 bowel cancer the same year I wasn’t about to ignore it. GP thought it was a cyst and not to worry but got referred. Couple of weeks later they told me fibroadenoma, no need to worry, I just needed to a quick biopsy to confirm. Then they said it’s either phyllodes tumour or a cellular fibroadenoma so it had to come out but they were very sure it was benign.
First surgery of my life. But out came Jerry (I’d named my breast Judas in September and so stuck with the J theme for the tumour) and I figured that would be the end of that. Because my surgery was just before Christmas I got hit by the holiday delay for the pathology. Then I got a lot of being messed around because Jerry ended up being shipped off to experts. Definitely phyllodes but perhaps now borderline but needed to be confirmed by the experts. I have a telephone consultation scheduled for next week to discuss results and a surgery penciled in for Feb to get the margins.
However today that appointment has been cancelled. They have the results from the expert and my appointment is now in person and on Wednesday. I am bricking it that it may have been upgraded further. I can’t explain how scared and paralysed I am by it. I guess I’m hope someone here can either tell me I’m overthinking it or I don’t know. I feel like I’m disappointing my family putting us all through this again. And my partner that I was starting to plan a life with. 31 and I want to just sit down and cry like a little kid.
Hi
I hope your appointment went better than you expected and you found the reassurance you were looking for from your consultant/surgical team.
I had a similar 'messy start' with my own Phyllodes diagnosis, (borderline became malignant etc) and am now nearly 4 years on from initial surgery. The clinicians looking after me have been fantastic and with their diligence, life is good.
Next year I move to annual reviews, which seemed so far into the distance when my journey began. At one point I thought the journey would be endless, until at my last review in the early new year, I was reminded it was close to 4 years since my referral to a specialist cancer centre, where Bob the Tumour met his nemesis!
As someone mentioned below, I found writing a daily journal at the end of the day a great help and I started to look for small positives in every day; even if it was just hearing the dawn chorus, strangers smiling in my direction or someone's small act of kindness.
I wish you nothing but good things. 
One step at a time ..... As Confucius once said, 'A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step'
