I’ve had breast cancer twice now in 2.5 years and have done the whole thing on my own. I had few friends to start off with and no real family.
i am a year out of treatment (surgery 3 times and radio) and am struggling. I have spent the whole of Christmas and new year alone. No one wants to be around me. Every time I try and connect with someone they either don’t answer the phone or just ignore my texts. Then say they were busy, etc etc.
i literally have no one that will spend anytime with me. I am so desperately alone and unwanted.
please dont reply and say to reach out to family and friends because i truly do not have any. Today is New Year’s Day and I am still sat in bed (2pm) as there is no point to me. Only one person in my life has wished me happy new year (probably because they feel sorry for me) and no one has invited me anywhere. No one cares. All I can think about is how to end this. But I am such a coward, I can’t even do that so I am stuck in this perpetual hell desperately trying to feel like a matter to someone.
and before anyone suggest about getting out, etc. I am active and out surfing and walking, I work full time and am around people. But no one wants to involve me. I am invisible and no matter how hard I try, no one sees me
I do have a partner (we don’t live together or see much of each other) whom I met after my first mastectomy. He is kind and gentle and perfect really, and I do love him although I haven’t told him that as I’m scared he’ll go away. I have tried to be fun and happy around him as he has a lot going on to. I don’t want to burden him and risk him disappearing too. But he doesn’t want to spend too much time with me either. I really try not to vent to him, he doesn’t need it. He is pretty much the only person that speaks to me now but I feel he feels obligated too and probably feels trapped. I also think he is getting close to another women who is everything I am not. I can’t compete with her. She’s slim, pretty, outgoing, accomplished, fun and has loads of friends. She’s also recently single and I know they have been messaging. I think I should probably step away and let them get on with it. She will make him happy I’m sure, even though that absolutely breaks me. He deserves to be happy. I deserve nothing
Sorry for the rant, I don’t expect anyone to pay much attention. Everyone is too busy with their own crap. I just wanted to write down how I feel and maybe someone might give me some practical advice to help
Hi there, 2 diagnosis in 2.5 years is a lot for anyone to deal with, and especially if you don't have a lot of support. Normally I’d suggest getting outdoors and keeping active, but it sounds like you are already doing this. Heron males a great suggestion about getting some counselling support and Macmillan can help with this. You can call them, 8am to 8 every day, on 0800 808 0000 for a chat and I am sure they will have some ideas for you. Best wishes
Try not to be scared (easier said then done!) the worst part I found was the waiting in between. As soon as you know exactly what you’re dealing with it does get better. My surgeon and oncologist both say “if they were to get cancer they’d op-ed for breast as it’s very treatable”.
everyones journey is different and the decisions you’ll need to make are scary. But remember that more people come through this then not, you just never really hear all the good stories.
i can honestly say that this may have been one of the best things to happen to me. It makes you realise how precious time is and not to waste it. Do all the things you want and have a f@&k it attitude. Stay active, even if you don’t feel like it and eat good whole foods.
And don’t be afraid about loosing a boob. I’m a proud mono boob and I make sure I dont hide it.
i cant say you’ll be ok, no one knows. But what i do know, is far more people come through it fine, you just don't hear about it. Oh, and if you haven’t already, you’ll probably develop quite a dark sense of humour! it makes the normal people quite uncomfortable 
