How do I tell my kids?

Hi Bink,

I told mine once I had my treatment plan. That way I was able to reassure them. I had a plan to follow which would make me well again.

I had chemo and my hair fell out. I let the 5 year old cut some of it before getting it shaved. I think because I was positive about moving forward. It helped them to feel positive. Kids are very resilient and adapt if they know what's ahead if them.

Good luck with your treatment and recovery 

It's such a heavy cloud weighing over your head until you tell them. Kids tend to be a lot more black and white, I waited until I knew exactly what I was dealing with which you now do.  I would sit them down separately if you can, the oldest first although if they're very close you might decide together is better. Explain that whilst cancer can be a very scary word there are lots of different types and lots and lots of people are diagnosed with cancer and are absolutely fine after treatment.  I would point out that it has been caught very early and therefore there's no reason to be scared as the doctors have sorted out a treatment plan so that you can beat the cancer.  I would explain the treatment to them and tell them that you really need their help (i think boys like to step up), tell them that you won't be able to do much for a couple of weeks after surgery and that the radiotherapy will make you very tired so you will need their help and support for a number of weeks.  Reassure them that as a family you can fight this and you will come out stronger.  I was really worried when I told mine as they lost their grandfather to cancer but they coped much better than I could have imagined. Best wishes xx

Hi Bink,

I'm sorry you are in this position it's horrible for everyone. I was diagnosed last April and my children were 14, 17 and 8. I have to admit I really played it down, my husband thinks too much as he felt the children didn't pull their weight!! But i was desperate not to affect them and life be pretty much the same. I told them a lump had been found it had some cancerous cells in so they are removing it (explained surgery would be a day but recovery would be a few weeks) and then I would be having chemo/radio for an extra precaution to make sure all the cancerous cells had gone.I didn't lose my hair, I cold capped and I think that made a difference to them as i never looked any different and don't get me wrong I had horrible side effects from chemo but I was in bed when they were at school and then would always be up and around when they got home from school!! To be fair they didn't really ask many questions, my 14 year old did ask if it was something you could die of and i just said about it being caught early and so many great treatments now......

Good luck with everything. Like Missmolly says kids are very resilient and I think you might be surprised how well they take it.

Xx

Hi Bink

was diagnosed last March . I have 3 daughters 19 17 and 15. The youngest was doing her state exams and the oldest her 1st year exams at Uni. We sat them down together and told them I had pre cancerous cells and as a precaution I was going to have a masectomy. 

To this day I still haven't picked up the courage to tell them I had Cancer. I think we do what is best to protect our children. 

I think looking back I should have been truthful  from the start and maybe now we would be able to have more open conversations about Breast Cancer.   

Xx. 

Hi, in addition to the advice from the others who commented, these resources from Macmillan might help, and there are some more booklets in the page aI have linked.  Best wishes 

Link to information here

Hi Bink  Hope you are managing ok. It’s bloody horrible telling your kids but my son (also year 11) took it well. I actually told him the day of my op which was the same day he broke up for October half term. We kept everything fairly relaxed - didn’t say anything we didn’t know for certain to reduce anxiety and gave him space to ask questions. I don’t know when you will tell your boys, I guess your eldest may be out celebrating on 17th but I hope it goes well. They are stronger and more resilient than we think. However, I am going to have a chat with him once the exams finish and see if he wants a few sessions of counselling - it's lot for them to process. 
good luck - with telling your boys and with your op X