Newbie who can't sleep

I cant sleep either ! I was told in May this year that mine was low grade and caught early and the consultant's words were " if you going to get breast cancer this is the one you want as it is so common" and like yourself I thought I should feel very lucky, but I didn't feel lucky or positive I was petrified and devastated. People say to you " think positive " but unless you have been faced with a diagnosis you don't know what it's like.

It is an emotional rollercoaster and you will have many different feelings, all you can do is take each day as it comes, Macmillan are great but I found a service through Breast Cancer Now called Someone Like Me, they find someone who has had the same diagnosis etc and they call you how ever often you want to chat or ask any questions. I felt I could really say how I felt with my lady and was relieved when she had felt the same. This is all something that you never want to experience and it turns your world upside down no matter how low grade. 

I hope all goes well and be kind to yourself x

Thank you so much for the reply.   It means a lot to me.  Especially at this time of day! I will take your advice on board. 

I really hope you are doing as well as you can be now. X

You're welcome, this can be a lonely journey especially in these dark hours, but it definitely helps to know there are many others who feel exactly as you do.

I am doing well physically and trying to cope mentally and each day is a new day.

Lots of love x

Hi SJ40

Sorry you have to be here, but welcome! Similar to you, I went to my GP about a lump which turned out to be nothing sinister but cancer was found in my other boob. It’s shocking and scary to get a cancer diagnosis, no wonder you can’t sleep! I found the waiting time between diagnosis and surgery the hardest of the whole experience. Things that helped during this time was a couple of sessions of counselling, a daily journal and keeping up with exercise even when it was the last thing I wanted to do. Somehow the waiting for results wasn’t as bad as I felt that something had been done and I was on my treatment path. I had also had time to process and accept my diagnosis by then. I hope it isn’t too bad waiting for you too. Although five weeks is a long time there will be the distraction of Christmas to hopefully help a bit.

I get what you mean about people playing it down, but I think people do this to try and ease your fears rather than being dismissive. My incredibly supportive, but a little bit clumsy at times husband made a comment about it being a bit like having a mole removed and I was really fed up with that (and told him so!), but he wasn’t meaning to minimise things, he was trying to reassure me. 

Things do get easier for many people when treatment is underway and I hope this is the case for you. But, however you feel is how you feel, there is no ‘should’ about it. If you have any questions just shout, best of luck with everything. x 

Hi, I was found to have a 12mm lunp found on routine mammogram, the surgeon couldn't feel it either as it was against my chest wall. Thanks and gratitude to our NHS. Grade 2 stage 1, found in May, lumpectomy and 2 nodes removed which were cancer free. 5 radiotherapy sessions and letrozole for 5 years. I am sleeping better now but of course my mind races at times. I was told the same as Emmaw. At my breast support group after saying I'd "just"  had lumpectomy, radiotherapy and letrozole, low grade and caught early one lady said you never say just. I feel guilty at times worrying as I know I've been fortunate in my diagnosis compared to others. I get a lot of support and comfort from this Macmillan site. It's a shock to get a diagnosis and takes time to accept. Please don't feel you have got to be strong for others. I've cried in shops, restaurants,  be kind to yourself. Thinking of you and sending my very best wishes x

Hi, thank you for the reply.  It does mean a lot.  I have a journal here (bought it with good intentions) so might finally pick it up.  I can see how that could help.

I also have a clumsy at times husband.  He seems to be in denial but I'm sure he'll catch up soon! 

Thank you again  

Hi, thanks so much for sharing your experience.  

The NHS have been amazing.   Everyone has been so kind, caring, thoughtful, and so determined to get the biopsy. 

I've already used the word just.  I realised I was trying to protect that person.   I know how hard it is to hear a loved one has cancer. 

Thank you again  

The guilt is something I struggle with, like you say you feel fortunate that it's been caught early etc but then you feel devasted, full of despair, I ended up having Chemo which I am facing my last one, I have lost all my hair which has really effected me mentally. Some people are not so fortunate and have no end date to their treatment and that's where the guilt kicks in and you feel you should be more positive and feel lucky but you don't x

Hi everyone on here, hope you are doing okay. I had a lumpectomy, two lymph nodes removed, radiotherapy and Letrozole / Exemestane. Caught early by routine mammogram. 

I'd like to echo what Daveday said about no "just." At a Maggie's Centre I said my cancer journey wasn't as hard as a lot of people's. I was gently encouraged to think differently. No one wants to be told they have cancer. It's shocking news. Everyone has their lives turned upside by it. All your plans for the year fly out the window, and you find yourself traipsing from one hospital appointment to another. At best it's not normal; at worst it's traumatic. 

So let's be kind to ourselves and give ourselves a pat on the back "just" for getting through each day  

Hope you got some sleep eventually…..I feel like I’ve not slept properly since I found my lump in February and I’ve even been told that I’ve no evidence of cancer. It’s pretty crap isn’t it?

all of your feelings are valid right now, don’t ever think they’re not. You just have to keep getting on with it any way you can x