Recently diagnosed and so scared

Hi Jopar 73,

Welcome to the forum. It is a scary predicament to be in however treatments have improved vastly.

I have had my lumpectomy and sentinels removed. Now having chemotherapy  then radiotherapy and hormone suppressants.

It's a nail biting time waiting for results and treatment plan.

I think to be honest we are all afraid of the ops the treatments and the uncertainty.

However you've done the right thing reaching out to others in the forum. Others are further on in treatment and recovery and can share good advice and tips.

Also use the support of the macmillan nurses and cancer care team.

Wishing you a speedy recovery xx

Hi Jopar73,

I probably won't be of much help as such as I've only had my breast clinic appointment, where I was told it was cancer, I'm due to meet with the surgeon for my results tomorrow.

All I can say is that I totally feel you. Your fear, everything... I've never known anything like it, it's literally all consuming. I can't even really comprehend what tomorrow might bring.

The one thing that has helped me is getting out for walks as much as possible. We have our own business (a shop) and don't get a huge amount of free time but when we do I've tried not to sit around too much. I've also been listening to guided meditations on Spotify when going to sleep, they have helped. The main issue is if I wake early my brain immediately clicks in and I can't get back to sleep.

I hope being here and knowing that you aren't alone is helping a little bit. 

Big hugs and much love xx

Hi Jopar73

Mine was just a dry nipple and was sent for mammogram at 75 routine screening had stopped biopsies were take and proved to be two separate areas that proved to be Her2-positive.and started chemo two weeks later - Pacitaxile each week and Phesgo injection every 3weeks for three months it’s not the best experience but you get through it.

mastectomy followed and decided against reconstruction as at my age one pert boob and one saggy 75 year old one wouldn’t be a good look.

i am now on letrozole for 5years and Herceptin for 1 year plus talk of adding Zoladronic acid injection but am a bit scared of having that.

you are young and will get through this just be kind to yourself  and take any help that’s offered.

Skylark X

Hi Jopar 73,

I had a lumpectomy four months ago and lymph nodes removed, I  finished my radiotherapy a few weeks ago and have recently been told I am clear. It is a shock when you are told and it is important you take a bit of time to let it register and sink in. I know mine is somewhat different to yours, but the anaesthetic, surgery, before and aftercare was amazing, trust me, you have nothing to worry about. The strides made in modern cancer medicine these days is amazing and they can do so much for you. However, there is so much you can do for yourself too.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, help with benefits, bills, open 10-4 Mon-Fri for coffee and chat and lots more. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. If I can’t relax or sleep, I put some hot water in a bowl, add a few drops of lavender oil in it and place it in the living room/bedroom area and it really helps. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google as there is so much conflicting information, your head will spin and it will stress you out, listen to your medical team and you get great support on here.

You must take one day at a time, the more you think ahead about things just adds to the stress and you don’t need it. Cancer is not a nice disease, but don’t let it define you, have a cry or a rant if you want, then just tell yourself right end of pity party and feck it, it’s not going to get the better of me. Please also ask your Breast Cancer Nurse as many questions as you want, they are a great help - mine still contact me regularly.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

Keeping fingers and everything crossed for you.

Love and big hugs.xxx

Thank you Missmolly for your kind and reassuring words.

Yes, the absolute fear is something that all of us on this forum have all unfortunately felt at some point. It's just so powerful and overwhelming, I can't seem to pull myself together.

It's only been 3 weeks since that dreaded diagnosis day and I guess it just takes time to get level headed again. 

Good luck with your chemo and radio and everything else going forward x

Oh Boobybabe2, this is EXACTLY what I wanted/needed to hear today. Thank you.

Everything you say is so true. I'm struggling to pull myself together at the moment but it's still early days, I guess. I have a loving husband and two grown up kids living with us so I am never alone, which really helps. I'm just worried they are all getting a little tired of me bursting into tears every so often. It's just so difficult and I'm a natural panicker, especially when it comes to health worries.

I'm so happy that you've got the all clear, what a relief that must be for you

Thanks for your support, I really do appreciate it x

Dear Skylark, your sweet reply has put a rare little smile on my face (the pert vs saggy boob bit). Thank you for that.

I'm sorry you went through chemo and everything else - I will need to learn the names of all these treatments so I know what everyone is talking about. 

Good luck with the acid injection, it does sound scary but you seem like a strong lady who can get through it.

I will take up your advice of being kind to myself. I've taken the first step today by asking my GP to sign me off work as my head is exploding trying to concentrate at work whilst trying to control my emotions at the same time. 

Thank god for this forum. I'm already starting to feel a bit calmer already x

Hi HappyHope

Thanks for your reply. I'm so sorry you find yourself in this horrible situation too. 

I manage to get to sleep OK but like you I wake anytime from 3:30 am and cannot get back off. Lying in the darkness with the house all quiet is very lonely and scary, and thoughts of the future run wild in my head. Then I'm shattered the next day, which makes me tearful and the downward spiral just goes on and on...

I've made an appointment to see my GP about some anxiety tablets or something that might help me get out of this place I'm in. 

Walking does help. I've been going out most days for walks with my 19 Yr old daughter, who's been a fantastic help, but she goes back to uni the week of my surgery, so timing has not been good!

Good luck at your meeting tomorrow. They should be able to tell you what type of cancer it is and may give you a physical exam. The doctor also told me the size of my masses. I thought 20mm sounded huge but apparently it's not. You'll be given lots of leaflets, it's a lot to take in. I read everything after a few days when I felt more ready.

Good luck tomorrow. Please let me know how you get on xx

HI,

You’re so welcome. 

Just a suggestion, but if you visit your nearest Macmillan Centre, perhaps take your hubby or  you’re kids with you, they can also chat to and help them too.

The crying and being angry is all perfectly natural, but it will pass and you will get stronger and draw from their strength too.

Here’s to the Booby Brigade 

Hi Jopar73,

Hope you're feeling a bit less anxious regarding your surgery etc. I read through the replies you received and they are all very reassuring and understanding. This group has helped me so much.

My appointment went well yesterday. Probably the best news I could have hoped for. So a lumpectomy is booked in for the end of September, which will be followed by radiotherapy and hormone treatment. They will take lymph node samples also to check if it has spread to those and if so then chemo may need to happen. But she, the surgeon, was very hopeful that this wouldn't be the case going by my scans. I'm well aware that situations can quickly change after surgery results but I'm staying positive about this and not playing 'what if' games with my thoughts! She offered me reconstructive surgery, to both boobs, a breast reduction and breast lift basically to attain symmetry, but time under the knife and the healing process would have been much longer and to be honest I don't care how I look, I just want it gone! She also said that if chemo was needed then it could possibly be delayed whilst I healed from the more complex surgery as complications would be a higher risk. No thank you... I'll go for the wonky boobs please!

My head mantra now is... 'put me to sleep, cut it out, wake me up'! Like you I was terrified of the thought of surgery, like any surgery! But I'm trying to adopt a different attitude and not constantly go to worse case scenarios. I'm reading a book about the research between healing, long term prognosis and exercise and I'm allowing my other thinking brain to dream about starting up a women's walking group. A dream yes but I'd rather fill my head with a positive.

Obviously the news I received yesterday is making everything easier. We went to the beach afterwards and I cried for every woman who gets news that isn't great. I suddenly felt incredibly guilty and a bit of a fake, like I've been handed the easy way out! I know my journey is far from over and 'news' could get 'worse' but I'm left feeling like I want to be able to support other women in some way, so that's what I'm filling my head with.

Didn't intend writing this much, sorry! I've rambled a bit! 

Hope your coming days become a little easier to bear and that your anxiety subsides. 

Big hugs and much love xx