Need help and support

Hello Besty,

I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this.  I'm relatively new to this myself but I feel like the team working with me has come up with a tailor made plan to give me the best possible outcome. In my case, I had two surgeries but the cancer had spread to one of my lymph nodes, so now it looks like I will be having chemotherapy, followed by radiotherapy and anti-hormone medication for at least five years. 

It's very scary and I feel angry and frustrated at times, but I know that these days the treatments are soooo much better and more successful than they were years ago. My husband has struggled with it because he feels he should be able to do something more to help, he doesn't realise that just being there for me to talk to and hold my hand is all the support I need. I really do feel for partners and husbands/wives because they really do go through it too. 

Best of luck to you and your wife

Hi Besty,

I had a lumpectomy nearly four months ago and lymph nodes removed, I finished my radiotherapy a few weeks ago and was told recently I am clear. The surgery was wonderful and the care before, during and after was exceptional. If your wife needs radiotherapy, please assure her she has nothing to worry about. It is a shock when you are told, but it is important you and your wife take a bit of time to let it register and sink in. The strides made in modern cancer medicine are amazing and there is so much they can do for you and your wife, however, there is also a lot you can do for yourself too.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, help with benefits, bills, open 10-4 Mon-Fri for coffee and chat and lots more. It is important to take your wife to see them, these are experienced people whose help is so beneficial.Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day for your wife to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. She may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google as there is so much conflicting information, your head will spin and it will stress you out, listen to your medical team and you get great support on here.

After your wife has her surgery and if recovering, it is important to keep in touch with her Breast Cancer Nurse, mine rings me regularly and ask as many questions as she wants, as this will help to put her mind at ease.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

I hope everything goes well for your wife and send my best wishes to you both.

Take care and big hugs.xxx

Hello Betsy.

Sorry you and your wife are travelling this road also.

Once I had the results of biopsies then a treatment plan was put in place. I am having chemotherapy, the radiotherapy then hormone suppressants for 10years.

The waiting is the worst. Waiting for results then waiting for treatment plan. You are doing well by your wife by being there. Allowing her the time to process it. Its not an easy road but it's doable with lots of effective treatments out there.

Chat with the macmillan nurse and cancer care they will support you and your wife as well as your nursing and medical team. Wishing your wife well with her treatment plan xx

Thanks for reaching out and give your own experience a perspective .i have no words to describe the pain women have to go through .

Yea i did googled it few symptoms and woke up cryinh few days and then i stopped to see Dr google any more.

I would definitely give it ago to mcmillan support and will take my wife there .

Thanks alot

Only thing worrying me why the surgon didnt do memmohraphy before hand why they had to take 2 months and after 2 surgeries and reach to the concluaion that she needs it now it would have been less complicated God knows?

I asked the surgon last meeting that question and her answer was because she is at young age so we didnt do memmography straight away .

Thanks again!

Hi molly hope you get well soon.

Thats right its a very slow process and every appointment you go to you pray for the better result than last time.

Defo will be intouch with mcmillan support .

Thanks again

• I am so sorry to hear that sharlou i think we are in the same boat as yours .same things hapenning up untill now we are waiting for test result and nurses took biopsy under arm to verify and then surgon will discuss with us lumpectomy where she take off whole breast or half and then treatment there after but my point is why it took them 2 months to refer her for memmography and ultra sound .its so frustrating where you are all in hands of these specialists.
• She feels really tired and have headechs most of the days is it normal what do you think ?or is it different for every other individual?
• Hope your plan goes well and stay safe.

Hi Besty, it's a horrible journey for all of us and the waiting and uncertainly is the worst part and it's so frustrating when new problems arise, but I think this happens a lot.

I agree with the suggestion to get in touch with Macmillan for support but I also thought you and perhaps your daughter, might find this link useful.  Info for families

best wishes 

Hi,

Yes, I felt this was the worst bit, not knowing what you're dealing with.

Because your mind goes into overdrive, and whilst the hospital staff know all there is to know about breast cancer - for me, I had absolutely no previous knowledge, and didn't know what they were talking about half the time.

But, try not to google, and even on here try not to look too much because there are many different diagnoses. 

For me, it was 4 months between mammogram and having a treatment plan.

There is a lot of investigation and testing first, because they don't want to overtreat anyone. And it takes time. I had two breast biopsies, one surgery to remove the cancer, one surgery to get clear margins and to test lymph nodes. And only once they'd tested my lymph nodes for cancer, could they say what they were dealing with - and what the treatment plan was.

This is the point where I felt more in control. 

Hope you get to this stage very soon, and 'keep busy' is good advice. Over time you will find out all you need to know. It is just hard at first. But keep asking questions of the consultants and the Breast Care nurses (you should be able to ring them anytime) - and tell them how you're both feeling - they will support you.