Newbie

Dear Grannybear,

I had a lumpectomy nearly four months ago and lymph nodes removed, I finished my radiotherapy last week. It is a shock when you are told and it is important you take a bit of time to let it register and sink in. What I can say is that it’s only as scary as you make it,  we all think the worse it’s only natural, but the strides made in modern cancer medicine are incredible these days.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks, meet new friends and lots more. It would also be a good idea o take your daughter to the centre, I think she will really find it beneficial and a huge help. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google as there is so much conflicting information, your head will spin and it will stress you out, listen to your medical team and you get great support on here.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

Take care and big hugs.xxx

Hi Grannybear,

It's a roller coaster of emotions when first diagnosed. Take time to process it.

I started my chemotherapy 4 weeks ago. Had my lumpectomy and sentinels removed in June.

The chemotherapy is doable I and having 4 cycles of EC every 3 weeks. Had my second cycle Friday. Have spent the weekend at my grandsons football tournament. I'm a bit more tired than normal but able to still do everything if you take your time.

My first cycle floored me I had heartburn and bone pain from the injections you take day 3 to 10. The nursing staff are very good at what they do they reassure you. Keep a journal of ant side effects. My omeprazole has now been double to combat the heartburn and painkillers for the bone pain. They do their best to make sure they have a medication for every symptom. My ain this time us to be symptom free.

You've done the right thing reaching out. You will get support from macmillan nurses. You and your daughter can also self refer to cancer care for counselling, support and alternative therapies. I also attended a look good feel good session on skin care and make up last week which was brilliant.

I wish you well in your recovery and if you have any questions just ask xx

Thanks for your reply Missymolly, I was worried about seeing my grandchildren while I go through Chemo,I have a low immune system anyway from Bronchiectisis so I am struggling on whether to have the grandchildren here or not, they live close and we have them in the school holidays just a couple of days a week, 

Lucky at the moment they are visiting their other grandparents in Poland for 2 weeks, they come back on Saturday, my daughter lives with myself and my husband she is my carer as well, I’m worried about them being Ill and coming here, my son never tells us if they aren’t well and I tend to catch whatever they have when they come round, I really don’t want to not see them but I know I have to be careful, my daughter-in-law and son will not understand that I can’t have them here,and will expect so much from my daughter, she feels that I am the priority not them, how do we make them understand that we can’t have the grandchildren here without an argument?

 I sent a message to my son about the Chemo starting soon, his answer was can you still take the son to Karate, I mean nothing about how I was feeling or what I have to do, no empathy at all. Sorry to go on but I’m getting this off my chest before I see him in person.

Thanks so much for your reply, so much information for me as well, I have osteoarthritis in my knees so walk with a stick, however I do have an exercise bike a low down one so I can use that, maybe that’s the best thing for me to do.

as for dumping the negativity I agree so maybe my son and daughter-in-law in law should be dumped as no empathy from them, they care more about childcare than my personal health.I’m going to look for the go gently podcast as I do struggle to sleep normally, another thing I have is sleep apnea, I’m a walking disaster at the moment. I’m hoping the help I can get will be for my daughter as well, I think she needs face to face councilling more than I do .

Hi Grannybear,

My grandkids live across the garden from me and the 14year old stays with me also. Luckily they are on holiday from school just now so bugs are limited. 

I tend to keep doors and windows open weather permitting when they are here. They have stayed a couple if Saturday nights. My daughter had a gastric bug a few weeks back and kept them home so thst was good.

I think whilst on chemo we are okay in open aired spaces just limit your enclosed space indoors if busy. My nurse told me to take some of the covid restrictions to keep away from others. If out wash hands when home etc.

So far tough wood I have been okay.

The grandkids are also a good distraction but can be tiring.

Good luck xx

Good advice once again, I was so worried about seeing them, I think once I start Chemo and know how I’m going to be then that’s when I will make decisions regarding the grandkids, they are girl 6 and boy 9. Thanks once again xx

Hi Grannybear,

Mine are 16, 14, 9 and 5. The 9 and 5year old had fun cutting what was left of my hair before their mum shaved it. They ask questions and have been very good cuddling up watching a movie on tv when they know gran is tired. They are quite resilient. 

I haven't used the cancer word but they know gran gets her medicine through her picc line and it makes me feel poorly to get me well. I've left it at that. They know it made my hair fallout. I think if they see you doing things around the house and with them when we'll they accept it.

Hope your family are kind and offer same support.

My son doesn't always see it the same as my daughter and has to be reminded from time to time.  Good luck xx

Hi Granhybear,

It must be difficult not having your son and daughter in law on board, after I told two of my sisters I never had any contact from then for two months. It hurts, but I think some people can’t handle illness, especially when they hear the C word. They seem to think they might catch something or it will affect them in some way, just give them some time and I think you will find they might come round.

You must concentrate on you and getting yourself well, your health is what matters now. The treatment will make you tired and as much as your love your grandkids, you certainly don’t want screaming kids around you. If you’re son and daughter in law ask, just politely say ‘sorry, but I’m just not up to it right now and need time to get better’. If they don’t like it tough, you are the important one - but hopefully it won’t come to that.

I wish you loads of luck and remember you are never alone my friend, chat here anytime.

We are all in this together.xxx

Thank you so much for your kind words, it does hurt when all my son and daughter-in-law think of is themselves, I wish they were more like my daughter sadly no way would they be that kind, I agree in just saying no, don’t want to fall out with them but I will say no when and if I need to, you are right I do come first. Xx

Thanks for your reply Missymolly, I do wish my son and daughter-in-law were more thoughtful it’s not going to happen and I should know that, they have always been the same, I will have to tell my grandchildren next week as that’s when I start chemo, I think they will be ok (fingers crossed).

im so glad your grandchildren are giving you the well deserved cuddles, I know mine will be the same, hopefully only when they are well enough to come round and not just because my son or daughter-in-law are working.xx