New here - looking for support <3

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I just wanted to say hello and hopefully engage with people that are going through the same as me. I am 48 years old with a 21 & 15 yr old and married to my second husband for 18months   

I am at the beginning of my cancer journey. I was on holiday in February for my husband's 40th in Iceland when I noticed a change of shape in my breast and when I felt it, there was a lump. I initially wasn't worried because I've had naturally lumpy breasts and normally they turn out to be cysts . However in my appointment they told me straight away they suspected it was cancer.

I was diagnosed with grade 3 lobular breast cancer which was oestrogen positive and HER2 negative. Then following  my MRI they found cancer in the other breast and on the 28th of May I had a double mastectomy with temporary expanders. I opted to have the full reconstruction with my own body tissue delayed because I didn't want to go through such a traumatic surgery in one go.

It's been almost two weeks since my surgery and when I had the dressings changed last week, I sobbed throughout my whole appointment and couldn't bear to look down. Before my surgery I was a G cup. I am now quite small at the moment. It just doesn't feel like my body. I feel really detached which is making me feel really low. I have no nipples and as you can imagine it's really hard for me to feel like a woman.

I have an appointment next week for my treatment plan. I know I will be having radiotherapy, but they're still a possibility of me having to have chemo as a curative path.

Just feeling overwhelmed by it all 

  • Hi, I’m really sorry to read this. I too have had a double mastectomy. I was diagnosed three years ago.  I also feel less of a woman, but it feels much less raw than it did at the beginning. I am now 62, so older than you. I am single, and can never see myself in another relationship because I won’t pursue the possibility of one now. Have you considered talking this through with a professional at a Maggies Centre, or another cancer charity? You are still at early days, and are likely still in shock. I have had chemo therapy too, and don’t regret it. But the situation is overwhelming, and two years ago I was not in a good place. You’ll find people on here to be kind, supportive, and wise advice is frequently offered, when asked for. This is a major event, and what you are experiencing is normal. Other people  will respond soon I’m sure, with kind words. Xx

  • Hi SMB_75

    Sorry to hear you have cancer. It's a horrible journey none of us want to take.

    Take one step at a time. The operation itself would have depleted your energies.

    You have a plan to work towards. Give yourself time to heal. Fingers crossed all goes well.

    Whilst I haven't had the same op as you others will have and will respond with good advice going forward.

    Use the supports around you. Sending healing vibes xx

  • Hi SMB_75,

    I had a lumpectomy nearly two months ago and two lymph nodes removed, also awaiting radiotherapy. I am so sorry you are going through this and I know, mine is quite different to you. It is a shock when this happens and it is important you take time to let it all register and sink in.

    You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks and lots more. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me.

    I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as possible can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

    Take care and big hugs.