Struggling to Comprehend

I'm about two months ahead of you and can identify with your emotions.  Honestly once you get the treatment plan, it will be much easier to process. You can start to plan week by week.  It took us a while to take it all in and we had to go over it time and time again, but really once you get started you just have to go with it and trust the professionals. You will begin to understand the plan and why they're doing it in the way they are.  I couldn't understand why I was to have 6 months chemotherapy before the operation. But it was all made very clear. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that breast cancer is actually very common and that the medical team knows exactly what is best way to treat each tumour (I had no idea that breast cancers have a broad spectrum). 

After Tuesday things will be much clearer.

I know exactly how you are feeling,l am waiting on CT results and am terrified,can’t sleep or eat with this all consuming fear 

I've definitely found the waiting the hardest but, folk who are further down the line tell me that once you get started on treatment it's almost easier.

I know from my own specialism in health care that once physical challenges start it suspends some of the emotional stuff. I think it's your body/brains way of coping.

Thank you Sarah,

I know I’ll be ok once I have the treatment plan. Im usually such a positive person, but 
night time is the worst and when my worst fears come to the fore, hence why I can’t sleep.

None of this seems real, at some point I’ll wake and this will all be over…..

I can see how this would be the case, waiting for results seems endless. I suppose once treatment starts you simply have to go with the flow.

I found not being able to sleep the worst after my diagnosis. In desperation I've been prescribed mirtazapine, which helps sleep and reduces anxiety.

At least it stopped the lieing awake for 7 hours going over and over everything 

The waiting for test results really is the hardest part, just try and keep busy if you can. When I got my diagnosis I weirdly felt relieved, I also had a CT scan so I know the wait is awful you think all sorts. 

I know exactly what you are going through. I just got my results yesterday from my biopsy and CT and it was worse than I could even imagine. I had been told two weeks ago that it was breast cancer and may have spread to my underarm lymph nodes but there wasn't even a bit of me that could have thought of what I was going to hear. It is in my liver, lungs and bones. I had a skid in my car and thought the pain in my shoulder was from that but turns out it is the cancer. I can't tell you how gut punched I felt. But you know that feeling.

I don't have a husband as he left me but I do know that if he was still around he would've made it all about him. Maybe you need to remind him its you that has the diagnosis. Don't feel guilty - he should be supporting you! I was touched yesterday when I was at the clinic as there was an older couple there holding hands and he looked at her with such love and kindness. 

I didn't sleep last night either - is there a place you can go to rant in the middle of the night? I got up and had a cry and a cup of tea and it was better than the inner screaming. This is a shocking time. I found this site and have already felt the support of knowing I am not alone.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and virtual hugs - the waiting is the worst - I’m a bit further on had one lot of surgery to remove tumour and 5 lymph node on 24/11 - results took 3 weeks and I need more lymph nodes removing next week. What worked for me was setting small plans to distract me - it’s not a perfect fix but it helped - also using this chat to share and feel supported and not feel alone.

Hi TheaT

Sorry to hear that your cancer has spread.

Wishing you the best of luck with whatever comes next.

Best wishes

Daisy53