Diagnosed yesterday - how do you tell your friends?

I’m sorry that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer. It is the start of a rollercoaster journey, but this is a good place to get lots of support to help you through that. 
When I was wondering how to tell wider friends, I decided to construct a message which I copied and pasted to everybody individually at about the same time, making it clear that it wasn’t a secret, and I was telling other people. With some people, I did tailor it a bit but I basically gave them all the same information. I did consider sending out a group message either over Facebook, or creating a WhatsApp group, but was conscious that when people reply in a group they are replying with everybody In mind, and I wanted to create more individual channels of communication.  For example, with some friends  you can be really honest, with others you need to be more neutral, and some people don’t really want to talk about breast cancer at all. It quickly became apparent who was who and I have been able to maintain a channel of communication with my friends on that individual basis.
So I guess what I’m saying, is that in terms of support for me, I have found it beneficial to have told people individually.

I hope that whatever you decide to do enables your friends to show their love and support to you.

Hi Tandy I too have IDBC in my left breast and lymph nodes Grade 3 there and stage 2 breast - had endless scans and something abnormal showed up in on my pelvis - I explained I had back problems for years and had medication - if I have a trapped nerve I would go to my chiropractor and feel brilliant after a click 

I had to have a PET scan and the unknown was unbearable but they have to be thorough with their tests - luckily all ok which I was so relieved with 

I just told close friends - one of them said in a joke “ don’t be checking in on Fb whilst your at the hospital having treatment cause i will unfriend you lol” I know she didn’t meant anything by it 

your friends will be there for you no matter what- it’s going to be a rollercoaster for everyone in this situation, this forum is great for supportive advice and guidance x

The more I think about it, the less I like the idea of putting something on FB. I think I will message a few people separately and others, like my Parkrun buddies, I can tell when I see them. It's jyst such a horrible time of year to get this sort of news - everyone gearing up for Christmas and being jolly - and I feel anything but jolly! Thanks for your advice. X

Thanks, I'm hoping the pelvis thing might be from a fall I had about 14 years ago - I had chickenpox and passed out at the top of the stairs - and woke up at the bottom! Didn't think I'd done any major damage at the time though. Thanks for the advice about telling people too, those who know already have been amazing, but I think I'll try and tell as many as possible in person. X

Hi Tandy6

 sorry you find yourself here, but it's a really great space too!

 Everyone is different of course, and I'm not a big user of social media so I've never posted anything on Facebook or anything else. The only people I told were family and very close friends and colleagues.

x

Hi

Ive just had my diagnosis today as I had all the scans done within 2 weeks. It wasn't good news and I hadn't prepared myself so my advice for you is to be ready in case it has spread. My breast cancer is in my lungs, liver and bones. I just burst into tears as I was only told 2 weeks ago that I had breast and possibly lymph nodes.

My other advice is think twice before telling people. Choose who you tell first by those you know will love you unconditionally. When I told someone my friends it looked like I had breast cancer I was shocked at how they acted. Not everyone can cope with cancer even as a word. I have only told my brother and closest 2 friends for now. I am going to tell others when I have a clearer idea how things are going to be. 

And be prepared for questions - they all have them - and not ones you might think of or want to answer. And you need to think of you - its your body and your diagnosis so you don't need to be concerned about other peoples reactions.Let them find out when your stronger and more sure of how you feel about it. That's what my brother said to me and I think he's right. 

Hi sorry to hear your news wait till you have the scans and only tell people if you want to share in your wider circle. Do you have a friend who can relay your message for you? Or a family member? It's hard just understanding it all and people tend to bombard you with lots of questions. You need to take care of you and be kind to you only. Sending you big hugs xx

I made a list in sort of order - i did 4 friends that live nearby face to face, rang others. We're a close knit community so also told 4 neighbours. It helped me to tell them. I did it over 3 days. I asked them to help tell some people. Message to some family members who dont live close by. Do whatever is best for you. I didn't think of doing facebook because some on my friend list are associates more than actual friends. Its not a secret but its not something Im quite ready to advertise on a t shirt to the world as im still processing or a banner in your garden and facebook is a bit like that. Lots more know know as word spreads but im still having to tell people as they see me, ask something and then I have to explain 

I toyed with the idea of Facebook, but decided against it ultimately.

Told closest family and friends initially, then when I was able to say "breast cancer" without completely breaking down, started telling a few more.

Tbh now 6 weeks after diagnosis I've pretty much told anyone I actively wanted to know.

If I bump into people I see less often, I just say I'm dealing with a touch of breast cancer !!!

Interestingly since I had my lumpectomy (yesterday) it's almost easier, as you're actually debilitated, as initially your not, if that makes sense.

You'll know the best way to do it  xxxx