There are many things I expected...but not this!

Yes will give it a go as soon as I have the energy x

Hi ...I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time.  The fatigue is uncontrollable I think. Just go with it. Sleep when you want and your hubby and family will just get used to it. I have never slept this much in my life!!   

I have also had some eating issues...Did they give you some mouth wash to gargle with before you eat? If not, get some (alcohol free or ask the pharmacist for the best one). It does work. On bad days I revert to eating like a 6 year old. Jelly, creamed rice, custard...anything soft!!!! And lots of soup.   I am six weeks in on a 24 week treatment regime so have got used to it a bit more, and able to ask for things I cannot do myself.  I am not married, but I suspect your husband is terrified. Just share your feelings with him so he understands.  I write a blog that I share with family, friends (or anyone). They say it helps them understand what I am going through to a certain extent.  Maybe it can help your husband understand a little more too...although it is likely we are on different treatment regimes. 

alisoncmcdougall.wixsite.com/onelumportwo

Friends can be difficult. Some people are just unable to communicate but that does not mean they do not care.  We set up a Whatsapp group and I post my blog as a link. They know what is happening. Some have not been in touch at all (also 30-40 years of knowing them) but they have joined the group and make an occasional comment. I can't see them much because I spend a lot of time asleep!!!! Or pooping !!!  But the one or two who call every day and are great. Maybe a Whatsapp group, or maybe angroup email to all your friends so they know what is going on. The onus is probably going to be on you....but please don't feel they are leaving you. It can be extraordinarily difficult for some people to know how to deal with it when a loved one becomes very ill.

You can feel sorry for yourself. It is allowed. But you need to also feel strong, and capable and loved.

You can do this.

Ali - aka onelumportwo

Thank you so much for your lovely message. I and my daughter have tried to explain it all to my husband but he started off in complete denial. He won't listen he won't try to understand he just doesn't get it at all. Yes he is terrified and keeps waking me up when I am napping cause he thinks I will die in my sleep. I understand that and have to let him deal with it in his own way. It will be really nice to have people to talk to who know exactly how I'm feeling. As much as my family are trying to support me they just can't understand the real extent of it. I am also keep a journal and I have now started videos as sometimes my hand is too tired to even hold a pen. But I am keeping posetive. It's treatable and I will be fine this time next year it will be a bad memory. I am calling it a night now as I am totally writing today off. Good night all and hope everyone gets a good nights sleep x

Hi I am feeling exactly the same my emotions are all.over the place and I am.due to start treatment on wendeaday chemo and immunotherapy.  Thoughts of panic just flood in.

I’ve been going through treatment since  April. Surgery, chemo now radiotherapy. It sounds weird but for me the time has flown by. It became the new normal for me and I settled into it ok. I did most things I normally do apart from exercising, too tired. Sleep when you need to. There are masses of resources out there for you. The Look Good Feel Better session is brilliant and you get tons of free stuff. I used my local Maggies Centre for classes and to meet people. It really helps to talk to other survivors. I also used the Someone Like Me Service which I highly recommend. I wish you all the very best for you treatment. Xx

I found it tough to eat on the EC chemo. Mushroom soup, ice lolly’s and rice pudding were my saviours. As for friends, I really found out who the good ones were, both friends and family. If you can find a local cancer support group you will meet some fantastic new friends who won’t be scared off. I would really encourage you to reach out

I was extremely anxious prior to treatment starting right up to the time they called out my name. But the nursing staff are excellent and very understanding, and the treatment itself was not particularly difficult to bear. I slept through a lot of my first treatment !!    

A friend who does a lot of yoga got me to breathe.  In through the nose, count to six. Out through the mouth. It has helped enormously particularly when my anxiety levels rise, but also at night when I am struggling with my thoughts and cannot get to sleep.

You will find your new normal, in time. Be kind to yourself.