Loosing friends cause I’ve changed due to being diagnosed with Breast Cancer.

Hi,

Sorry to hear if the tough time you've had.  It's really hard because bo one truly gets it unless they've been in our position.  I am just coming towards the end of my active treatment (just radiotherapy left now) and even before it's ended family seem to be expecting that I will want to drink with them and be how I was in the past socially with them.  But when you've already had cancer and are at high risk of getting it again the last thing you can imagine yourself doing is living an unhealthy lifestyle of drinking alcohol which as well as being a carcinogen also increases estrogen in the body. Of course some people do want to do that after surviving cancer as they want to live life to the full and for them partying might be part of that and that's great and completely individual. Howver I personally completely relate to what you are saying so wanted to reply.  Going through this changes us and I think it can be difficult for people close to us to accept. When we are no longer who we were to them pre cancer they can feel they have lost us.  Maybe your friends will adjust and realise there are other ways to spend time with you that don't revolve around alcohol.  Going through cancer and treatment shows you who is truly close to you and who was in your life conditionally.  And it can be completely unexpected who fits in which camp.  Also, as we are changed people because of what we have been through sometimes the people we relate to and want to be around changes.  It can all feel lonely and confusing and I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling down.  

Hi Meg52 and a very warm welcome to the forum. Lovely message already from LucyP . What you both say resonates with me, particularly regarding drinking. I decided to stop altogether following my diagnosis. It’s absolutely an individual choice and for some it’s worth the risk, but not for me. But as I said at a dietician talk/ group discussion some months ago (highly recommend it, at Future Dreams in Kings Cross if you’re anywhere near London), my non drinking seems to be much more of a problem to other people than to me! I’ve lost count of the number of people who’ve said ‘would you like just one?’ and just don’t seem to grasp that I simply don’t drink at all now. 
My favourite activity is to walk, so these days I mainly meet up with friends who like this too. I don’t mind short walks and they don’t have to be fast paced, I just like to get out! And I’m very happy to factor in a cafe stop. Luckily my closest friend is also a walkaholic! 
Like you’ve said, it’s all about adjusting to whatever our ‘new normal’ is. And I’ve definitely found that some friends are more accepting of the new version of me than others. Not easy, and yes can definitely feel lonely. This forum has been great though, a place where people really do ‘get it’. 
Love and hugs, HFxx 

It's sad that such a small thing as what you drink changes relationships so much. I do drink but it's non alcohol beer, just 1 most days. I worked as a health visitor fir 29 yrs, saw a lot if people in that time. I remember a French Mother who said she thought most of the English she knew of seemed like alcoholics.

It could be the same with drugs if that was your thing, cannabis whatever. I never felt addicted but I liked my glass of wine, too much some time. It's so much easier not drinking that just having a bit. I like clean living, enjoying other things. I am in my 60s now so it's easier. 

I'll do anything I can to stay alive and be healthy. Keep going ,others people's judgements are really about themselves. Most of my friends now don't drink, my husband does but it doesn't bother me. Stronger together. There are a lot of losses with something like this, I've got used to it now. If they can't support you let them go.