Newly diagnosed and terrified

Hi MissusB, sorry to hear of your diagnosis. It’s natural to think every twinge and ache is cancer related and it’s very difficult to get it out of your mind.  I found sitting and doing some relaxing breathing helps. If you can find something to keep you occupied or busy to help keep your mind focused on.  Going for a nice walk to focus on things outside. CT scans are painless and don’t take too. The waiting for results is the hardest part I have found on this journey. Once your medical team have all the info they will be able to work out your treatment plan and this should help. Take each stage at a time as it all can be very overwhelming if you look at everything at once. We’ve all been through the waiting and all understand how hard it is but chatting on the forum is a great way to share experiences and advice of what others have done to help alleviate some of the worries and stress. 
Someone told me “you are basically a passenger during treatment so try and focus on the view (the good stuff that surrounds us) and leave the driving and stress to your medical team.” I found this helped
Wishing you all the best on your journey.

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

I feel like a passenger as well. What a good thing to quote. I would add that I even pray when I am scared, I have done a few spiritual courses that have helped me feel connected.

I am waiting for results and treatment plan. Who knows what's next. I had surgery on 7th Dec. I think we all just want to get on with it. I keep getting twinges here and there. Trying to do the exercises to help the arm lift up if I need radiotherapy. It has a sense of unreality about it. I think they are good because it is a well trod path, they do not make us wait too long. You are not being a drama Queen. We all have our moments. Good to let it out. 1 more week for results and then I'll know what to expect. 

Hug for you. I had a few people offering to help but there is nothing anyone can do really at this stage.  Maybe later, I am trying to walk everyday even in the rain. Staying occupied, didn't get up until 1 pm today. Haven't done that for years. Xx

Thank you so much for replying .. I'm a positive person ordinarily, just finding this very difficult and the fear and uncertainty has taken hold... once I know exactly what I'm facing, I feel sure I will then find the positives and grab hold of them, but these next few BH days will be particularly tough. I too like the passenger scenario and and looking forward to starting the treatment journey... just feel very alone right now. 

Thank you.

I hope you get your treatment plan soon. Thank you for understanding. You're right, no one can help until the medics can tell me what is on my liver.... I should only deal in facts but am catastrophying ... not good for anyone to do that. 

Hi Missus B,

Feel our situations are similar. I was alerted to the potential breast cancer (not diagnosed fully yet) due to my liver & back being painful in October.  CT showed lesions. They then started to look for primary & think they have found on lymph/surface of left breast. I still can’t feel anything there but CT showed it. I had a clear mammogram in March.

I am like you finding it difficult to hold everything together & I am one of life’s positive people. Got biopsy tomorrow but feel little pains everywhere. It feels like the cancer is having a good old roam around, but then I know from recent panic attacks that my brain overthinks stuff. Interestingly the severe liver pain I had has now gone. I go from being positive to being in the depths of despair. I’m frightened too.

Hold in there - we will get answers & it will be easier when we have a plan. Thinking of you - what’s your next step?

Hi Islabobs and MissusB,

It is a bit like being tortured in the mind game kind of way. I still don't know what having a low alkaline phosphatase means, something that was flagged up in my preop bloods and urea was above where it should be. 

Yesterday I distracted myself by going shopping. Today at home, I have become a bit obsessed by looking things up if I haven't got an answer. I was a nurse all my life in some form. Waiting does create a vacuum, it's like being in suspended animation with your thoughts the only thing that is moving. Might give myself a treat today and do some hoovering, even though I'm not supposed to, just 1 room. 

3 days till I get results. So much to consider, did they get a clear margin? I think everyone overthinks at times. Even meditation has got harder. Hope and prayers that we all get what we need and the Universe supports us. Xxxx