Dazed

Hi Jayniebee so sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis, how difficult for her and for you. Conflicting emotions are totally normal,  but maybe it is important to remember that breast cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer and not everyone needs chemo or even radiotherapy, so perhaps it's worth taking one step at a time. I'd recommend having a chat with her medical team about her ability to cope with the surgery and the risks involved so that you can be better informed on how to support your mum.

Macmillan provide a lot of support, you might find this link helpful and maybe less overwhelming than a number of leaflets. MacMillan Support Info

I found it all quite overwhelming to begin with, but like most things, once you understand the details of the treatment, it does get easier to understand. Best wishes to you both, and do keep coming on here with any questions or if you need any support. 

Hi Jayniebee, sorry to hear of your Mums diagnosis it must be very worrying for you. I am sure your Mum’s medical team will have taken into account all her health issues and certainly would recommend treatment if they felt it would cause problems. It would be good to share your concerns with them explaining why you feel her body will not cope and  ask them to share their advice with you. All the leaflets and paperwork are very overwhelming and can make it hard to decide what’s best. I’m sure there are others who have gone through similar experiences and can share theirs with you. I’m not sure about discussing end of life care that does seem very final and frightening if I’m honest but that would have to be something I think only you can choose to talk about. You mention a lumpectomy and node investigation, the lumpectomy would remove the tumour and the node investigation would possibly be to see if the sentinel nodes are affected which is standard as I understand. Depending on all the results would depend on her treatment plan which would be designed for her individual needs. It is a rollercoaster ride and the Macmillan nurses on here I’m sure could offer lots of advice for you too.

Wishing you and your mum all the best for her journey .

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

Sorry it should say wouldn’t recommend any treatment if that would affect your Mums health and cause any problems. 

Thank you cuffcake2000. You’re right; sound advice. Speaking to a Macmillan nurse tomorrow, just tough as I will be with my mum. 

Oops sorry. Still a rookie here. Meant thank you Irishgirl16. You’ve both been very supportive. 

Maybe you will be able to find a quiet moment to speak with them perhaps when your mum is occupied with something, maybe watching tv? Sorry I don’t know the situation but I do know it can be difficult when you are caring for someone (I had to care for my mum too) and sometimes you just want to be alone to make a quick call or to do something.

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

Thank you cuffcake. Yes, definitely putting my trust in the medical team. I’m sure way ahead will seem clearer after op. Just feel overwhelmed with weight of managing everything for her and want to do my best. 

Hi Jayniebee,

This reminds me of my Mother although she wasn't offered treatment. Hers was too advanced and it was bowel cancer. I was flying solo as well helping my Mother. For me it's positive she is being offered treatment. I don't know my treatment plan yet and I am in my 60s. It is overwhelming, I got the wad of leaflets and my op date. It's a shock but something I / we just have to do.                           My Mother had Alzheimer's and needed someone with her, she could be quite awkward. It was traumatic to say the least. Breast cancer I have been told us  better one to treat, easier to access.  All the appts are hard when you ou have to plan them and take her. We had to have th we discussion re end of life care. It's how far she is willing to go and what treatment is offered. Suffering with chemo sounds pretty difficult for younger people. I have a friend who's Mother had bowel cancer many years ago, she is still alive in her 90s living with a colostomy and enjoying life. 

Hope that helps? Xx

Thank you for sharing all this Sabrina22. You sound like you’ve had a really tough time. My heart goes out to you. Luckily my mum hasn’t got Alzheimer’s but I still need to be at every appt to be able to explain things to her. Yes, the thought of her having chemo at the age of 86 is terrifying. My daughter is a junior doctor and has stressed the need to discuss DNR forms etc.  Just feel a huge weight of responsibility about all this. So great to be able to share here. 

The sheltered accommodation where she lived were keen as well. Otherwise if they do need resuscitation and they can't eyeball the DNR they are duty bound to do it. It prevents a lot of trauma for evyone. I mean Paramedics or anyone who may be called to do this. It's not easy to think like this but important.