Newly diagnosed, struggling

Sorry you are in this situation Daydramer   It’s tough to go through this and the uncertainty is often worse than the actual treatment. For your hair, it might be worth trying cold cap as I think it has the highest success rate on your particular hair type. I lost my hair but in the end created some good looks with scarves. I understand how important your special day is, but I wouldn’t rush to make a decision about it until you see how you feel, and how you feel about yourself, on chemo. Wishing you all the best. 

Hi Daydramer. This is my first time posting here and I feel like we’re living the same nightmare! I went to my GP after my nipple inverted. I was quite convinced it was just an infection (cos google said it could be!). Fast forward 3 weeks, and I’ve had an urgent referral to the breast clinic, a mammogram, 4 biopsies, returned to the clinic to find the cancer nurse there, told initially it was a 1.7cm lump and I may only need surgery, but that’s now snowballed into a CT scan tomorrow due to it being found in 4 Axillary nodes, and being told IF it’s curable I’ll be starting chemo and hormone treatment on 4th January, with a view to a mastectomy in the summer. I have no idea at all how all this has just happened! I’m fit, healthy, don’t smoke, don’t drink, I run marathons!!!! The bit I can’t cope with is telling anyone so close to Christmas. It’s absolutely killing me but really, why ruin everyone’s life right now? The thought of telling my elderly parents, with whom I’m really really close, is destroying me. Sorry to steal your post, but I 100% get exactly how you feel right now. Xx 

Hi Daydramer, sorry to hear of your diagnosis and the potential hold to all your wedding plans. If you have the option of trying the scalp cooling cap it might be worth a go. I have just started my emo and I was dreading loosing my hair but after reading all about the scalp cooling cap and the success rate of it helping I gave it a go. Everyone is different and what might work for one, may notork for another. I’m going to try and persevere with it. Whilst it’s cold after about he first 10-20mins you get used to it. Paracetamol helps and you can always have a sedative too. If you click ony name you can read my biography and how far I am on my journey. I did also look at wigs before I started chemo with our local Macmillan centre. That way they were able to see my style and colour anwe were able to pick out potential wigs ready for if I did need one. Also a company called Headwrappers do lots of help with scarf tying and they have lots of different websites you can visit for dierent types of headwear as well as hair under hats. I was amazed at the variety of options available. Sorry there’s a lot of info there. Once you get your full diagnosis they will also give you yourlan which will be your own special plan. Once you have this it helps to put things in place and just take one step at a time. Telling family, friends and work colleagues can be hard but once they kn they will be able to help and support you through your journey. Talking on the forums is also great as we are all going through our journeys at different paces but all understand what everyone elses going through with feelings, emotions, being scared and not knowing what to do. The waiting is always the hardest part and your mind can run riot. Try your best to keep busy and if you need to rant or chat visit the forum and type away. We are all here to listen and help
Wishing you all the best and see how things go before changing any plans

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

Hi Panthar Mom, sorry to hear of your diagnosis. After my first op I found I needed an axillary clearance as 1 sentinel node was positive. They found 9 positive out of 12 but everything had been remed. I had to have a PET CT scan too and was dreading the results. Luckily it was all clear. I completely understand how you feel about if there is any spread. Unfortunately none of us are immune frocancer no matter how healthy, young or old we are I thinks it just pot luck. It sounds like you got things checked as soon as you noticed something different which is great. The earlier these thingsre found the better. With the technology and improvements of all the drugs and treatments nowadays the curable rate has improved so much. It is a difficult time of year too to tell people and that cice only you can make if you want to tell them. When you are ready then I am sure they will all be helpful and supportive and want to be there for you. If you want a rant of chat come to the forum there are always people around to listen  Some people have written their journeys under the biography. If you want you can click on my name and see my journey so far. 
Wishing you all the best on your journey. 
Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

These replies are all good for me to read and the initial post. Grief and dealing with loss and massive change in life style etc is so hard. I am in my 60s and have a disabled son. I was a nurse, midwife etc all my working life. This journey only started for me in Oct. All the lymph nodes were removed as well as wide excision lumpectomy. Results in Jan. 

Part of me just wants to accept everything the need to do. I have friends who have been through it, some twice. I want to stay alive is my main thing. I have worn a wig in the past due to hair thinning. I'm trying not to overthink it, but as we know it's like a spot. I can't help but Google and keep looking what different things mean and lead to. I am 12 days post surgery it is painful swollen and lumpy. Relieved to be over that bit. 

I am lucky my son doesn't understand my step kids do. Grandkids don't yet know. It is hard to deal with others reactions when you are still working out your own. Friends want to help if they can. There is nothing anyone can do apart from immediate family. Not hoovering or being able to lift heavy or drive at the moment is a process of adapting. I am so independent love dancing with a lovely Brazilian Teacher. Just want to project beyond this in my mind. It will finish one day. I do feel grateful to have this support from the NHS when hear of waiting lists. 

Thank you for sharing your fears. The pain is the worse thing esp emotional pain. I will get through this. I am quite spiritual which does help. 

I get this completely. 

I was first diagnosed after finding a lump on the 28th of September. After biopsies it was discovered this was the invasive tubular carcinoma. I then had an MRI scan the following week - they discovered a further area on my other breast and several calcifications. All were cancer. I had 24 biopsies in all. From initially being told, I would have a lumpectomy with radiotherapy, saying that I would have to have a bilateral mascemtomy to me, because of the size of my breasts. The surgeon was able to perform a therapeutic mammoplasty in November. I had the results from this  10 days ago, the DCIS on the left breast is 8 cm big, the invasive tumour on the left breast was 2 cm big the invasive cancer on the right breast is 1.8 cm big. All cancers were removed with good margin and I’m pleased relatively with the results , although this varies on a daily basis, as sometimes I just can’t bear to look at myself 

The cancer was also showing in one of my lymph nodes so I’ve had to go for a Onco Type test and also a full body CT scan. I am bloody terrified. I’d have to have chemo and all that’s associated with it. Other days I’m willing to tackle it head on. Fight it.

 I too had finally found my confidence at 54 - felt attractive, liked myself, had even started a new relationship after being single for five years, recovering from a coming out of an abusive relationship. I was so so happy, had my life back and it felt so good. Now this. It’s ended everything, the cruelness seems so raw.