Been through the blender

These last few months have been a nightmare. I noticed some pain in my breast back in august whilst sleeping on a very hard bed in Crete. I should probably write to the hotel and say thank you as I didn't notice a thing until then!

I popped to the doctors, and was in at the hospital within 7 days. I knew something was up from how long it took them to check my mammogram. The radiologist was very serious. He took some biopsies and I went back to the Doctor who said they'd found something, but hopefully they'd caught it early. I was in complete shock. I nearly fainted on the drive home as cancer has always been one of my worst nightmares after seeing my Aunty die from it. 

Whilst waiting for my results I got a letter through saying that it was malignant and 8cm. No other info as it was a summary of my initial appointment. I googled cancer stages, diagnosed myself with stage 4, and freaked out. I was utterly convinced this was it. 

I got my actual results through a few days later. They found intermediate DCIS. My nurse reassured me that this is in fact curable, even though I'd never even heard of DCIS until this point. Then began the LONG wait for my actual appointment with the surgeon. It took about five weeks for me to see the lovely Doctor. She recommended a mastectomy as I have small breasts, and the area was very wide spread. She did mention that there was a lump which was possibly invasive. With this news I began the wait for my surgery date.

I managed to get a date the week after as there was a cancellation. I felt pretty good after my surgery. It was a relief to have everything gone. I did develop an allergic reaction on my chest a few days later and was in a very sorry state. Thankfully it eased off with antihistimines and steroid cream. 

My results came though about three weeks after the op. Most of what they found was precancerous but wide spread, with an 11mm grade 2 invasive cancer at the centre as suspected. It had no supply to it, and my lymph nodes are clear. What they did find was hormone receptive. This was a huge relief. They've put me on tamoxifen as a precaution. Aside from that I don't need any other treatment.

My recovery has been good mostly. Mentally I'm struggling with every ache and pain. I have swollen lymph nodes in my neck and jaw that I'm paranoid about. I have to keep an eye on them and go back to the GP if they don't calm down in 3 weeks. The odds of cancer skipping my lymph nodes are very small, and every professional I've spoken to isn't worried. It doesn't stop me worrying though. 

Thankfully I have a counsellor and support from a local cancer charity. I feel as though I've been quite lucky in a lot of respects. It's been horrible. My sleep is still disturbed and I have nightmares frequently. I'm going to seek something for the anxiety when I meet the holistic needs nurse in a few weeks. It feels as though I stepped into a blender and emerged a few months later with a breast gone and my head in a mess. I know things will get better in time. If only there was skip the crap bits button.