Hi, I had a routine mammogram recently and was recalled. I am 62 and this is the first mammogram that I have been recalled. Today at the recall appointment, I had a chat with a rather matter-of-fact breast care nurse with an appalling "bedside manner" and pretty much told me that I had no option but surgery if my Results Day shows up bad news. Ok she is possibly right, but it was the manner she put it across to me. I have never in my life been in hospital and never in my life been "put to sleep" with a general anaesthetic and I am frankly scared out of my mind.
Today they did more mammograms of the suspect breast (RHS) and then the consultant doctor gave me an ultrasound. She said that I have a "couple of small calcifications". By the time I got back to me after-scan chat with the same nurse, this had changed to "an extensive area of calcification". That freaked me out even further.
I am booked in for a biopsy in the morning. Nurse Negativity tells me that it will be a "small needle". Then she said there will be a dressing on it and I shouldn't do any heavy lifting for a couple of days (well, that's my job - so I've had to advise my manager that I need a couple more days off work now) because it might bleed if I exert myself. I said, I thought you said it was a small needle? She said, "yes but we have to cut a half centimetre slit in order to get the needle in." Cue for freak-out from me. I HATE THAT NURSE!!!
Anyway - I had a lovely friend, who happens to also be my next door neighbour, with me. She is coming with me tomorrow and has promised to be with me throughout this journey wherever it may lead.
Results Day will be on 1st November when they will tell me if I have to have breast surgery or not as it seems this is the only option they will give me if the calcifications are pre-cancerous. I am freaked out because an "extensive area" implies that they will have to take most of my breast off in order to remove something that cannot be seen that might only be pre-cancerous and may not even develop into cancer but as they won't know, they will still take the drastic option and I might have to be mutilated and run the risk of not waking up from anaesthetic, for nothing? Having never had general anaesthetic, and knowing that rarely people show up allergic to anaesthetic, that in itself scares me rigid. I cannot know if I will be one of those very rare people who suffers and allergic reaction to anaesthetic.
I guess I feel fortunate that I've made it 62 years without any hospital, and surgery, any illness, and health condition. Many people are less fortunate and have health problems from a much younger age. However, I keep thinking, why couldn't this have waited another ten years until after I retired and had done more things in my life??!!
I am really scared and feel so grateful to have my lovely friend Margaret but even if on Results Day they tell me surgery isn't needed anyway, I feel I am going to need to talk with people now and in the future who are going on a similar journey as I am. Because if it doesn't get me this time round, if I have calcifications at this age then I will probably get more, and dangerous ones, in the future.
I am so unused to being ill or unhealthy. I don't "do" ill and am in denial of anything being wrong with my body but my lifelong luck has to run out one day and perhaps this is the day it does.
I recently lost my two closest cousins (male) both at a younger age than I am now. I have had a couple of years more than they had, already. We were all close as kids. I am trying to tell myself I ought not to begrudge having a potentially serious illness when they are no longer with us. But I'm struggling to be wholly convincing.
I would love to talk with people who are going through the tests and possible diagnosis. I feel like I'm staring down a barrel and I also don't understand how if they remove chunks of my breast, they can call it a cure as once there has been intervention in my body and it's disturbed my cells and possibly altered my dna, I am worried that I would be at risk of the cancer returning in the future. Everyone I have ever known who has had surgery for cancer, has ended up with the cancer coming back, within a few years at most.
Sorry to rant on so much. I am really, really scared because I've never had anything wrong with me in my life and I don't know how to deal with this change in my body. 
Hi MaIte
I'm glad to hear that your visit to the hospital was a much more positive experience than your last visit was.
Fingers crossed that you get the right result.
Daisy53
Hi Maite
That’s a good idea to go somewhere for the day on Monday so that you are not sitting at home moping about Results Day on Tuesday. Hopefully both areas will be benign but if they aren’t know that your medical team will do everything in their power to make sure that your get better.
Enjoy your day away on Monday and best of luck with your results on Tuesday.
Best wishes
Daisy53
