Family concerns

Direct your DIL to this site.  How she's reacting is perfectly normal and unfortunately people repeatedly telling her she's going to be ok is not helping.  When you have a cancer diagnosis you need time to run through all your fears etc. but people trying to be helpful tell  you that you will be ok feels like they are trivialising your diagnosis so you can't talk about your fears.  This site is safe space, we understand and there will be ladies on same stage of journey to talk to and ladies who've finished treatment to answer the questions.

You feel panicked as you can't control the situation but it's not  your situation to control.  Try to just quietly carry on as normal as a MIL.  Cook the odd meal, offer to do the laundry/shopping etc. but don't force a "cancer" or "treatment" conversation.  Maybe try sending a text saying "I know you are scared & frightened at the moment and I don't want to upset you but please know I'm here whenever you want.  Be it practical like food, a lift, etc. or a ear to just listen.  I have been recommended by ladies who have undergone cancer diagnosis treatment the MacMillan community site as a safe place to talk anonymously (provide a link).  Maybe you should think about joining as you may find it easier to talk to strangers.  Always here for you xx"

Thank you so much. You’re correct I do feel useless unable to help. I am the fixer in my family. It is difficult to watch things at the monument. I know I seem to be talking only about myself but it really is not.  I want to help them through this horrible situation. Being miles away makes it harder for me to pop in to help with school pickups or shopping etc ( my normal goto practice). I expect all this feeling will pass and all I can do is wait.  
thank you for your kind comments and help.  It is appreciated.  Good luck in all you do. X

Have you thought of offering to stay nearby for a few days in school holidays if they have children.  Maybe a nearby air bnb and then you can have children stay overnight with you to give a break if in midst of treatment.  She may refuse initially but just say no pressure, just a suggestion.  Sadly observing someone's distress and how they handle it is difficult but they just coping best they can.  They are not being brave or heroic just trying for cope.  I know I feel a bit sad when I see bowelbabe in the media daily.  It's like she's being paraded in public but hopefully it's her choice as that's how she's coped from day 1 by being public about it.