I'm scared

Am sorry to hear about your lump and your fears and worries. I think most of us on here had a lot of anxiety waiting for the lump clinic. The waiting is the hardest part. I rang the Macmillan support line and found it so helpful to voice my fears. There weren't solutions but it really helped just to clear my head. Sending hugs to you x

Hiya, try to stay in the day as much as you can.  It is good that you have found the lump and something will happen a.s.a.p.  At the moment you do not know it is cancer so keep hope on your side that it is not.  I am sorry to hear about your mum and it is totally understandable that you are scared.  So much is treatable and you have us on the forum to talk to.  I was diagnosed in January, have had surgery and currently am having radiotherapy.  Take care of yourself and be really kind to yourself.  xx  

Keep in mind that everyone's diagnosis and treatment is individual.  It is ok to be frightened angry and its natural. I had a whole breast mastectomy of an aggressive cancer, but the lymph glands were not affected so I had radiotherapy after surgery, but not chemotherapy.  Some have chemo first, other radiotherapy, other surgery.  Keep breathing, give yourself time and space - most call it 'me time' - even if it is only going for a walk half-hour a day.  I found Yoga helped, taking long bath/shower can't see tears in the bath.  On the internet you will be able to find relaxation tapes which could help too.  

If you really can't sleep I used valerian herbal sleeping tablet which relaxes the muscles. Even if you are awake your muscles are so relaxed it takes some effort to move.  For me it works well one night, but not the second as I slept, but felt very heavy the next day.  Lavender is quite good but be careful, it can be a stimulant (if you use too much) as well as a relaxant, 

I tried to read and understand as much as I could about the cancer and treatment, but had a bosom buddy who had the same surgery on the same day, who could not read anything about it.  She was able to accept and absorb information from me because we were in the same situation. When she was in the consultants room her brain froze.  (if this is you, ask to have it in writing, so you can absorb it as and when you are ready).  Her partner had a black sense of humour. After the surgery he told her at least she would only black one eye now if she went jogging.  It worked for her, she laughed for the first time in hospital.

If you have radiotherapy you can have your own choice of music.  I found a CD I loved and took it along to the appointments.

I also found the MacMillan Delamere Support and Information Centre helpful at Halton Hospital.  There will be something similar at your local hospital, if not you can telephone their support centre for emotional support.  As a carer you will also need additional support, is there a Carer's Organisation in your county that could provide advice and point you in the right direction.

I am watching Freeze The Fear with Wim Hof on BBC1 - it reminds me of when I did a firewalk for charity. i have a fear of climbing ladders, but used the techniques I was taught on the firewalk to overcome it.

- Going up the ladder, I sang whenever I feel afraid I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune , etc. 

- Everyone has a word they use for when things are awesome, mine is 'amazing' also a favourite thing mine is 'chocolate' . 

- Try closing your eyes and think angry and take up the body position where you feel angry, then move to a position where you feel unsure/tentative/uncertain, then move to a position where you feel really happy saying your key word to yourself.  You will find there are different body stances or positions for how you feel.  Then try standing in the happy position and try feeling angry, or stand in the angry position and feel unsure or happy.  Incredibly it is difficult to stand in the uncertain position and feel happy.   The way we did it was folding our arms and stand with the weight of the body on one side to feel angry. then try folding them the other way and change the weight of the body you will find it difficult to feel angry because it is just wrong. the body actually dictates the emotions.

I hope some of this you find useful. Remember you are not alone.

Oh wow. Thank you. Lots to think about to keep my mind busy. I do have two carer organisations here - one general and one more specifically for SEND parents. I hadn't thought about them so adding that to the list. I have just discovered that crying in the shower isn't detectable by the children...

Just thought of something else.  Keeping eating well is really important. When I am stressed I tend to stop eating. Also drink lots (not alcohol - it just give you a hangover and doesn't cure anything) .

I was visiting a friend in hospital and she looked to find her purse so I could go to the shop for her and buy her some drink she asked for a bottle of whisky and coca-cola. - she was on some strong drugs at the time.  I asked why she wanted whisky, she said the doctor told her to 'drink more''. I think the doctor should have told her to drink more water!

I found dates stuffed with marzipan were a good sugar/energy boost, also homemade flapjacks, when I was on radiotherapy. Flapjacks can go in the freezer, so you could make a batch or two. The Dates and marzipan you can make with your children, have fun with them.

If you have chemo you'll experience your taste changes, using more herbs to increase flavour, trying not to use too much salt or sugar. Can easily make custard with full cream milk and eggs to make it more nutritious.  Macmillan have booklets with recipes in too.

I also bought some multivitamins with amino acid chelated minerals tablets by Solgar to make sure I got all the nutrients I needed - could ask your nurse/doctor or alternative therapist - but don't buy a big jar, unless you are sure you will stick to using them (I've still got half a jar left) - your wee will be bright yellow (expensive wee - some say)                                   

I would expect Macmillan or others to have age appropriate children's books explaining what happens when mum is ill with cancer. You could do a drawing or painting sessions with them so they can express their feelings in the pictures, you can paint/draw how you feel too. Use them to explain what is happening. Don't expect to have all the answers.

Remember to include your husband - but don't push too much information at him. At the moment it might be that he cannot cope with the thought of possibility you not being around in the future, again it is ok for him to be emotionally wherever he is - men tend to hold things in and not be so expressive about their feelings, he will need support too - talking to MacMillan Nurse could help him cope. he may feel he needs to stay strong and positive to support you.  He may find it harder than you to hear about your diagnosis and treatment and feel helpless in being unable to do anything to fix it.  He also may need decompression timeout.

Don't overthink things (easy to say, not so easy to do  - I'm a real worrier) but I found factual information helped to stop me worrying - it gave me options and the ability to ask questions. such as, I did not want reconstruction that would take away my shoulder muscles and leave me unable to climb using my arms.  There are different techniques for reconstruction and no doubt they improve and change all the time.  If you have a lumpectomy it will be different from mastectomy reconstruction.  If the nipple is affected you could have a tattoo afterwards to match the colouring to natural skin tones.

You can also scream in the car, no one can hear, unless you open the windows - it might scare a cyclist so be careful there.

remember to still have fun and plenty of rest, don't try to push yourself to do more than you can cope with, listen to your body and be kind to yourself.

with love

Hello sorry you find yourself here.  I panicked while waiting for tests as my sister died of brain tumour a month after diagnosis but BC is treatable with good outcomes unlike brain cancer .  So almost 7 years on I'm still here annoying my hubby !