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Hello Nikki. I can easily relate to the part where you said you don't like sharing your treatment. As for being very uncomfortable and anxious about the treatment, if you think that being told what it involved for others might help, I can detail the chemo routine as it is done where I am. Others here should be able to say how chemo and radiotherapy are done where they are.

Hi

I so understand the anxiety, fear etc. Unfortunately no matter how scary it is, try to think positive. I have raised to my onco how I will manage it all and being single mum I needed to still function. So talk to your onco. Its definitely doable but we just need to get our head around it. Some workshops online can help, ie Look Good Feel Better or listen to podcasts can calm u a bit. Macmillans helpline is good to call and also there is a chemo thread on here too for comfort. Everyone's journey is different.

You know there are so so many ladies in the same shoes, i am waiting on chemo date. So don't feel you're alone in this. 

C x

Hi Anxious goth37

We are all different and you should do what makes you feel better, less anxious. I found that once I gad my plan for treatment it really helped, I knew what I was doing. The routine and structure was surprisingly comforting. I started doing meditation through the Aura app (I am by now means someone who would consider this before) it allowed me to sleep better and just clear my mind for a short time if I needed to. I did find it easier once everyone knew and to be honest there was no hiding it. I tried to keep as much normality as possible and enjoy time with friends/work when there. On a practical note I found my first chemo the hardest and I think that was because I expected to be able to do more and was surprised, physically and mentally by the impact. After that it got easier as I had expectations and listened to my body. Few pieces of advice I was given by my Drs at the very start:

1) Chemo is my friend - it was / at times I didn’t like it but for me it did the job!

2) Look after myself and let the medical team deal with my cancer - I trusted them completely, I decided at the start they are the experts. I also decided to remain positive, not as easy as it sounds but I believe that it really helps to believe. Meditation and visualisation helped me here. 

3) Ignore Dr Google - he is not qualified

i hope that your next stage of treatment goes well and you are already through surgery  which is fantastic! 

Be kind to yourself and if you need anything you know that the forum is always open xx