Getting dressed on a Sunday 16th October my breast felt a bit sore. I knew straight away that I was in trouble and booked to see my GP that Thursday. She thought it was a good sign that the changes had been recent having had a first mammogram March of last year but did say she was concerned by my symptoms. Then followed an anxious 2 wk 6 day wait to be seen at my local breast clinic. As the consultant performed the ultra sound, the silence, the clicking of the screen, the strobe over my armpit followed by more clicking - you know it is not good. As I disintegrated on the couch, bless him he held my hand as a nurse was called for. Biopsies taken of my breast and lymph’s then another anxious wait for the results. Concern expressed that it - the cancer, could have travelled elsewhere so a CT scan booked. Another week till the results as I disintegrate into darker and darker places and begin to plan my funeral. Finally to this Tuesday - the phone call, the scan is clear with first appointment with oncology next Monday. I am now at the point of complete physical and mental exhaustion and not being able to find any reserves of strength on both fronts. To complicate matters my son had chemo earlier this year which resulted in me having 6 months off work to care for him and manage my own stress levels. Back at work for just four months, then this. The waiting has been unbearable at every stage with little by way of any treatment plans yet in place. The breast nurse has indicated that any treatment would be roughly two weeks after next weeks appointment bringing the time to two months since cancer was first suspected. Meanwhile I am terrified that the cancer will grow and move out of the lymph’s.
My diagnosis is grade 2 invasive Micropapillary, Er And Pr + with HER 2 borderline - more tests being done on the latter. I have read that this is a more aggressive type of BC and very rare with less favourable prognosis. I am 50 years old and had been on HRT for 10 years due to peri menopause - straight off that now. I also have a faulty X chromosome and wonder if this could all be related. There has been no cancer in my family at all and I have never had any surgery. Never smoked and do not drink and a healthy weight up till menopause. Guess I have been lucky health wise up till now but whilst knowing that cancer is cruel and targets seemingly at random, the timing could not be more cruel and I am worried that this will hinder my sons own recovery from a major life saving operation. How do I cope? I really just do not know right now, so so tired. Scared, frightened ....... friends shocked (2.5 yrs of major family trauma without putting details) and asking “when will there be a let up for us” - “ you must fight this .....” fight , I just don’t know how.
