Struggling with work/getting back to normal

Hello AudF. It sounds as though you are kicking the cancer into touch so well done.  But I  am sorry to hear that your employers are being so difficult.   Do you have an HR department you can speak to as I think you should be requesting an occupational health appointment.  This will support you in taking the time off that you need. 

Why is it when I hear of employers not being supportive , they are always in environments where care should be at the fore front...? 

You are worried about this "black mark" because you clearly care about your job and what people think of you.  I am also very much like that but if there is one positive  thing that cancer has given me is my ability to now but myself first.  

Understand that your life, your recovery is so much more important than a manger feeling a bit pissed off that you are taking time off. I can only hope that thier life is never touched by cancer as they would quickly realise how much of a bully they have been. 

You are not rambling at all , it's stressful and you have enough going on and all you are asking for is some support and compassion.  You are never alone when you have this community around you. 

Remember you come first x 

I am sorry to hear your work hasn't been supportive of your journey with cancer...its just another added layer of stress to what you already have to contend with and just don't need it. At times like this we have to put our own health above the rest! Without your health its pointless about everything else. 

Would it be possible to get advice from DWP? Maybe you need to ring the GP and get some counselling support too or the Macmillan helpline here. Many ladies become so vulnerable be it at work or at home, and I understand you are at such a loss and being so confused. I have to admit I don't have much advise, but you need to seek some expert help to pull you through this phase. You are still a strong and confident lady...just having a hard time right now. Try to be thick skinned and drown out the noise. Let them say...you know you're doing the best for you. And if they don't like it, tough teddies!! I always think the day I walk out of work, I will be easily replaced. So if you're unwell take that time off. Not like you're skiving...they just need to be real about what you're going through.

Not sure if link below is something for you?https://www.facebook.com/breastcancernow/videos/623098205383310/

Hello AllisonD,

Thankyou very much for your message. Yes I spoke to HR, and they arranged an appointment for me with an occupational health advisor. I got upset at the appointment when she read the report my employer had sent (which I had not seen prior to the meeting) as there was a comment blaming me for their staffing issues because I had wanted to remain at work, so when I was then absent they didn’t have the appropriate staffing. I in fact requested to go home after my radiotherapy sessions, as they were in the afternoon, so I was happy to go into work in the morning then leave in time for my sessions. But they preferred that I went back to work which didn’t help my fatigue and ended up with me being absent for a longer period. 

A close friend made a similar comment about employers in the care sector not being supportive.

I’m not very good at putting myself first, but I am beginning to realise that I need to try to do that x

I would contact Macmillan or Maggie's for expert advice. There is a law against discrimination and from what you are saying it sounds as if your employers may be breaking it. Macmillan and Maggie's will have people who will be able to look into the details and tell you if this is indeed the case, and what effective action you could take to change things around.

Sounds like they’ve been absolutely awful, no wonder you need to let off steam. It’s absolutely the last thing you needed on top of what you’re dealing with. Greycats gives you good advice, definitely look into what you can do to push back. I’d feel exactly the same as you if I’d been treated the same way xx

Thankyou for your advice and suggestion, it is very much appreciated. I will definitely get in contact with Macmillan or Maggies for some advice. It’s just making work a very unhappy place for me at the moment.

Thankyou for your message and support. It’s good to have people who understand how I am feeling. I will definitely follow Greycats advice and get in contact with Macmillan or Maggies. It’s just making me very unhappy just now so getting some expert advice could help. Thankyou again x

Hello Aud

just been reading your thread. I am retired now, but it brings back memories of lots of episodes I observed in over 30 years of working  in NHS. It makes me so cross, when unreasonableness impedes staff’s progress in their recovery and well-being. 
I don’t know if you are in a Trade Union or not? This type of situation is exactly what they are there for and to have an experienced rep accompany you to to HR, Occy Heath and management meetings can completely transform the experience, the short-term outcome and on-going working life.
It is worth considering joining if you are not a member. Unison for sure permits joining online and I think probably Unite does too. It is the reps job to act as advocate and also to be the buffer between yourself and management when you are in a vulnerable position. Sounds like you are being bullied. Hope you get some help to turn around the balance in this situation. 
Wishing you all the best 

WallyDug

Hi AudF

I hope you are feeling a little better now you have been given some really good advice by others??  I am a nursery manager and understand the importance of ratios and ensuring that they are maintained at all times.  What I can’t understand is how your manager and colleagues are not empathetic, sympathetic and concerned about your well-being. I too was diagnosed with Oestrogen positive breast cancer in March 2020 and it was a shock!!!  It was the beginning of lockdown and my treatment was delayed slightly due to the restrictions.  I had a lumpectomy and 5 days of radiotherapy along with daily Letrozole and 6 monthly Zometa infusions.  I took 5 months off work because I needed that time to recover, come to terms with what had happened to me and because I knew that when I returned to work it would be full on. I’m doing really well now and fingers crossed it will continue. Like you my nursery staff work really hard and when in nursery it is hard work but enjoyable and rewarding. Honestly I could not think of anything worse than having to return to work without some sort of phased return, care plan or support from my manager in place to help me. Hopefully for you now OH and HR are involved it will give you the support you need to continue working. Wishing you all the best xx

Dear AudF, 

Please remember that you are now a disabled person and the onus is on your employer to make reasonable adjustments. 

Also I think joining a union is a good idea. I work in a school....sometimes in the nursery and am in the GMB.

1. I had mascetomy, recon with DIEP, reduction and 13 lymph nodes removed. Radiotherapy followed by letrozole and will be starting zometa once root canal work done. I usually work 1 to 1 with children with SEN and am hoping to return in Dec. I understand that my school is short staffed, partly due to covid. I am worried about getting covid but more being put in a position where I am undertaking tasks that could lead to lymphodema. 

Having read ypur post I will be contacting union and office manager about oc health and phased return. 

Good luck for the future.