Struggling

Hello Jinks

Its a hard  time when you have just been told you have cancer. I can so understand how you feel if consumes your every minute and all you think about is the worst  possible  outcome. But as you begin to process this diagnosis you will feel stronger and be able to move forward towards treatment and recovery. I know it seems a long way off but you will reach it just hold on in there work with your medical team on a plan of action. What have they already told you about the cancer ? 

Jayne x  

Hi Jinks, you have come to the right place for support. Well done for putting your feelings down so clearly and being brave enough to reach out to others who have been through the same scary moments.  The beginning was definitely the worst time for me with all those unknowns. The following quote helped me during my darkest times "You don't need to predict how everything will play out, just master the next step and continue moving in the right direction".  is right, you will feel differently about this and it gets a lot better as your team develop a plan with you once more information is known. Hang on in there, accept as much support as you feel you need and remember you are not alone and we're all thinking of you xx 

Hi Jinks

(I find this such a humourous "name" and find it hard to imagine you struggling, if you've got a "name" like this !) It reminds me of Top Cat from my youth and I think there was a Jinxy character in that. Anyway, I'm trying to cheer you up a bit.....that's my quest. How are you going to deal with this ? I don't want to bore you to death, but you can either kind of do nothing or be determined. I like to know exactly what I'm up against and knew a lot about what I'd got, chatted to Breast Cancer Nurses and wanted to speak to people who'd got the same cancer type as me and had had similar operations. All that gave me light at the end of a tunnel I sought whilst at the start of the tunnel. I've never been an ill person, loath being ill and feared being ill. Hated every appt, every biopsy. Hated pain. But I thought to myself every biopsy means my medical team is getting closer to discovering what my cancer is/are and how best to treat them. I've come through my treatment fast, done everything I've been asked to do. I suggest you relax and whilst also doing the things the medics ask you to do, also make sure you include things you love doing. Take your mind off the cancer because your mind will be full of it anyway. I'm always saying this but THIS IS TREATABLE. Go with the flow of the appts. Treat it as something which you have to do to make you better, even if the doing of it is not very nice. I usually went to appts by promising myself a treat at the end, but normally I didn't feel like it anyway as too much else to think about, but the prospect got me there. I've found all the surgeons, doctors, nurses, radiotherapists etc etc incredibly nice to me. They know how to treat us.

I was wrong - it was Pixie and Dixie !!!! (but very Top Cat!!) Has this raised a small smile ? Hope so.

Hello Rhiwbina,

Thank you for your kind words. I have been told I have a grade one lesion in r.breast, with another lesion behind it which I am waiting to have biopsies. Also a non palpable lesion in l breast which is grade 2. Need ultrasound of armpits. I feel sure they will find problems in lymph nodes. It's all so scary, I worry that it is more serious than they are telling me....a slow drip of awfulness. I am not a patient person and need answers.

Thank you, your words have helped. I am not generally a negative woman. Have coped without any problem with 2 knee replacements and a hip replacement during these last 5 years, but this has pulled the rug from underneath me.

Maybe once I know what I am definitely dealing with I will feel I have a bit of control. It's a bloody awful thing isn't it?

Jinks was my nickname at primary school!

This is such a worry for you but you do have a positive! Grade I and grade 2 very treatable. It's a nightmare isn't it ? Even if you have some lymph nodes affected it's not the end of the world they will just have to come out and you may need  more treatment after surgery . I so understand how you feel when are your next appointments ?   

I think it's more awful because it is an unseen thing inside us. I think it is also bad if it's a cancer we never knew was there, so we may blame ourselves for not being more aware. I had stage 1 (lots of little blobs) in one breast and 2-3 mixed in other one. I could feel the bigger tumour once I knew where it was. We must not blame ourselves though, we have to deal with what we have and what we do know. So if you do have a cancer in lymph node they will just deal with it, along with the rest. You might not have, but they have to check. I didn't as it happens, but Surgeon still removed 5 lymph nodes to check. What one was doing inside of the breast I don't know ! Wow ! If you have already had knee and hip replacements you are one courageous and obviously determined lady who can deal with this. I think once you get over this unexpected initial jolt to the whole system, and know what plan is on the horizon for you you will feel a bit better about things. They will probably do more tests, like an MRI maybe. I found my Surgeon excellent but she had a thing about removing lymph nodes - I wasn't keen but she said it didn't matter as we have loads of them. The only reason I took to my implant after mastectomy was because I thought if people have knee and hip replacements, they aren't real either, and yet those patients do amazingly well. Like you for instance !!

I found it difficult to begin with. There seemed to be a negative after every positive that I was told. I dwelled on the negatives. Cried for a month. Lost a stone in weight and wrote a ‘how to’ book for my husband to be able to do the house finances etc!! However I’ve survived so far. Feel very lucky. I’ve now realised the positives out weighed the negatives. I’m lucky I didn’t have chemo but did have mastectomy and node clearance in June. I feel really good like before. Things make me smile more and I feel fortunate. I jumped through all the hoops and came out the other side. I’m not going to dwell on ‘will it come back’ I’m going to enjoy myself and put myself first for a change. 
It is a bloody awful blip in your life but u will soon be through the other side with a smile on your face. One big hug from a fellow BC sufferer xx 

Hi

I was in your position a few weeks ago. I had the recall appointment and had the biopsy done the same visit. Two weeks later I saw the consultant who gave me the diagnosis and then a slew of different scans, blood tests etc.  During that time I was so anxious it was unreal. I barely ate or slept. I spoke to my GP who upped my anxiety medication and also prescribed a medication for hypertension as my BP rocketed at every appointment.

 
One night I suddenly just had the thought come into my head that I just had to accept that I had little control over what was happening, just turn up to the appointments and go with it. It might have been the medication but although I’m still scared, the awful ‘what if’s’ have subsided and no longer occupy my every thought. 

I had my surgery two weeks ago, waiting now to heal enough for the next step. I had a wonderful surgeon and brilliant breast care nurses. Experienced my first general anaesthetic and was home after 12 hours from start to finish!

Big hugs