Overwhelmed

Oh, Janey z, I'm so so sorry you've had this diagnosis and joined the group.  Most of us feel totally taken over by floods of emotions when we start the cancer treatment pathway, but you've had a particularly hectic and rough time with everything that's been going on in your life at the moment.  I'm not surprised that you have overwhelming feelings, indeed it would be totally surprising if you didn't!  I used to weep at the slightest thing (good or bad), sometimes I wouldn't even know why I was crying.  From time to time I would wail buckets. Even with a good relationship with my children I didn't want to burden them (or friends etc.) with my darker thoughts before my operation.  However, I've found that it did help to process things by writing things down - and if you write here I'm sure you'll find you get a lot of support from the people who read your post.  

There's lots of practical support around. Do ask any questions on this thread and look at other parts of this website https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help - you can call in on 0808 808 00 00 (7 days a week, 8am – 8pm), web chat or email if you’d prefer.

I'm hugging you and hoping that you get the strength and support you need from us and people who love you. I'm hoping that all goes well on Friday 24th.

Dear Janey z, I am so sorry you are having such a bad time, I cannot dry your tears but I can tell you that you are not alone.  Thinking of you, love from Ann

Hi Janeyz 

You sound like me! I had to have medication before my mastectomy too. You need to understand that you are now in the worst time the difficult phase. It gets better as you go along. You surgery date will come soon the surgery is not really painful and it's just the emotional stuff that takes time to come to turns with.  You have a lot going on at the moment and it's hard . It's great you have support from your children mine have been wonderful they are of course adults now. Can you see your doctor and get some carer's in for a few days when you have your operation. ? Just to help out , 

Don't be worried about your surgery it's not painful and as soon as you wake up a lot of your worries and anxiety will leave you X 

Take care Jayne X 

Thank you for taking the time to reply  Katherine. Writing my fears down (although  not my worst fears) has helped and your support is appreciated. Still got jelly legs !! 

Thank you Rhiwbina your post has helped a lot. I have managed all the practical stuff. Booked cares for a couple of weeks and children are helping at weekends. Just finding the emotional stuff really hard. X  

Thank you so much x

Writing did help me, I'd write letters to people about my life and how I was feeling (Covid prevented me seeing people) and edit and re-edit them - and often finish by scrapping them altogether.  I've also blogged on the Macmillan website (click on my name if you have want to find more). To be honest, I don't think I ever really managed to articulate my very lowest feelings /emotions / thoughts, even in writing; they weren't actually tangible and were just fleeting glimpses of possible futures. But the process of getting things out of my head and into a readable text was cathartic regardless of the fact that often I was the only audience.

Jelly legs are normal! Find a nice chair, sit down and put your feet up if you can, then just let one of your children / friends care for you and your husband for a little while. Don't feel guilty or feel that other people's lives / needs are more important, this is something you need and, from the sounds of it  from your opening paragraphs, you deserve. X

Bless you, so much on your plate. I can only advise you to reach out, talk to Macmillan, social services, etc. You can't do it all on your own. I'm sure the surgery will go well. You really need to think of yourself and your wellbeing. You can't help others, if you are not looking after yourself. I have stuff going on, separating from my husband, selling the house. Not as stressful as your situation, however, I'm slowly learning to put me first. Cry if you need to, it's fine. I wish you well on your journey my lovely. 

Hi Janey - please try not be afraid. I had a total left with node clearance around 8 weeks ago and the operation was so easy - I had had no surgery since my tonsils out at age 4. Post -op pain was managed really well with just Paracetamol and Ibuprofen. I really wish you well x

Oh thank you Jaquie for writing that. Like you I have not had surgery since I was  a child. I’m cross with myself for being so emotional I’m just not in control thought I was but my body is letting me know ( Jelly legs)

thanks again Janey