Other peoples reactions.

Yes, I know this.  I've had a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy, so it's a bit different.  Waiting for radiotherapy.  My friends and family are all aware and able to listen to me worry (hopefully unnecessarily) about possible futures, but distressingly my husband is in complete denial and leaves no room for me to share my anxieties. 

Hi Telynores,

I know exactly what you mean and I found a great paper that might help you to understand that what you feel is not unusual and is completely normal.  It might also be helpful to share it with your close family or friends? 
It is by Dr Peter Harvey a clinical psychologist with Leeds Hospitals Trust. It is entitled: After the Treatment Finishes - Then What?  I shall add a link here but in case you don’t want to use a link at least you can search via the title.  I think it’s excellent and addresses so many concerns.  I hope it’s helpful for you too. 

http://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf 

Very best wishes, good luck x

Thank you for this, Kiki1. It's really interesting.

Thank you Katherine. I;m so pleased that you have friends and family who are supportive. It is sad that your husband is not so understanding. I wonder whether Kiki1's link might be worth you looking at too, I'm definitely interested in reading what he has to say!

The aftermath of a lumpectomy was what prevented me having one by the time I had cancer diagnosed in my second breast two years after the first, I was already waiting for a DIEP reconstruction so opted to have everything over and done with in one go, never thinking that I'd be left with the concern of other cancers occurring in surrounding areas.

I wish you well Katherine, best wishes for a happy future.

I shall definitely have a look at this, it sounds to be interesting reading both for me and those close to me.

I honestly don’t think that until you are in your situation anyone can understand - I had a fantastic support from friends, family , workmates , but no-one gets it , however supportive. My lovely friend was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago and apologised for not being there for me , she was and cooked food for the family etc , but now understands the continuing angst,  but as you say when it’s done everyone wants/expects you to be back to your old self . In my case that has never happened and five years on I am a different person. 

I just learnt to accept things , and am thankful that they don’t understand in a way , as to understand they would have had to live through what I have done and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. 

Jo x

You're quite right Jo, it's the old 'walk a mile in my shoes' but we wouldn't want to put anyone through what that mile and those shoes did to us.

I have just finished reading the paper to which Kiki left a link. It has left me with some thinking to do about what I'm expecting of other people and of myself.

I'm 19 months post DIEP reconstruction from which my body still has much healing to do. It was also a time in which I saw none of my cancer team due to Covid and have further treatment to go through. I don't tell anyone of these continuing treatments, they're minor in comparison to what I went through and no-one asks ...... but would I tell them if they did.

I'm on my own, all of my family live in different parts of the country, my friends still work .......... due to fibromyalgia and extensive arthritis I no longer can. I have my Assistance dog and my carer who lighten up my life and without transport I can't go far. Living in a very rural area with a beautiful view, nice garden gives me some pleasure.

A lot to deal with and a lot of food for thought, I'm finding the way forward difficult when there are still 'tweaks' to complete my cancer journey and no time frame as to when it will be over. I'm swimming in mud. This sounds very pessimistic, anyone who knows me would not believe that these were my words. Four years almost to the day since my journey began.

Thank you all x

Thank you for this link.  I have just read it and found it really helpful.

Kiki1, thank you so much.

I am a work in progress before my family and friends Xx