Low self esteem

Hello Tazz91

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a down today. I think that happens to us all. Hopefully, you have good days too and you are so lucky to have a supportive husband and family. Unfortunately I lost my husband and bestie of 40 years, 6 months before I was diagnosed.  I sometimes feel the same as you do about your new post BC treatment self, especially if I pass a mirror and see a very different myself from the old me. I try to square this with the upside, which is at least I am still here, for me and for my dear family. We lost my mum a year before my husband, so the last thing that they need is another loss.

I think when the treatment is ongoing it is like being on a helter-skelter that keeps us birling along. I am still attending the chemo unit for three weekly trastuzumab and pertuzumab. However, not nearly so many appointments to keep me distracted as during chemo, RT and surgery. 

I think that how you are feeling will be very common among ladies at our stages after treatment. Can I suggest that you contact your Specialist Nurse in the first instance [they are there to give support in the period after active treatment as well], as she will know what the local support networks are. I live in NHS Greater Glasgow Health Board area and have had a couple of letters offering me all kinds of support and assessments from a partnership which includes the Local Council/McMillan and the NHS. Maybe there is something similar in your area? 

I don't know which part of the country you are in, but wonder if you have a Maggie's Centre nearby [I think I saw that they are doing some of their counselling sessions online now due to Covid, so maybe it doesn't matter where in the country you are]. Their whole reason for existence is to give support through, and after, the cancer journey.

I feel for you and hope that your can get some help to feel better soon.

Keep posting here as well, as how you are felling is better shared out, than held in. The the community of BC ladies here are a source of non- judgemental strength and will be here for you.

Sending big hugs

Wallydug

Thankyou walldug.

Wow, you've been thru it, so sorry for your loses.

I'm down south in Hampshire but I think a call to my bc nurse is a good idea.

I'll keep you updated xxxx

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. Breast cancer really does put you through the mill.

WallyDug's suggestion to contact your nurse is a good shout.

Macmillan also offers some free counselling:

www.macmillan.org.uk/.../bupa-counselling-and-emotional-well-being-support

OK thankyou.

Atleast I know it's not just me now 

It is _definitely_ not just you!

It is definitely not just you - I think it is all of us, at some stage,  depending on which day your are asking!

All the best 

Wallydug

I think if I'm honest I've been feeling like this for awhile and going to meet friends tomorrow has just put me onto a panic, what to wear, it's the first time I've seen them since Feb 2020 and I feel like I have changed so much and to me it's not in a good way.

But Monday I'm going to kick myself up the bum, phone the nurse and see what I can do.

Thanks for taking the time out to read and reply and let me know I'm not alone xx

Yes I feel like this too some days. I'm about to start radiotherapy at The Christie. I popped into Maggies today as it was recommended. Met a lovely lady who asked about me prompting the floods of tears (I'd also just spent an hour lying on CT scanner so was drained). Worth checking their website too as some of their activities are on Teams but some are back to face to face.

I feel lucky reading some of the stories as I seem to have not too bad side effects from tamoxifen although the achy joints and the nausea are horrid. Family and partner are supportive but I find it hard as its my body, scars and all. Not sure how it sounds cos I'm struggling with my words but this is the new you and it will be hard to go back to the old you both mentally, emotionally and physically.  Its like covid too life won't be the same and I hate the words 'new normal' but you've been through an incredibly stressful experience to put it mildy. We all have no matter how different we have all suffered through our journey or whatever you want to call it.

I don't like myself as my boobs feel quite strange to me now and I've yet to have radiotherapy so not quite sure what reaction or side effects I may get.

I agree with others try Maggies, try Macmillan.  And feel free to chat here - we are here to help. Keep going.... one day at a time xx

That's a long old time, an hour. Were you a bit more comfortable ? If it helps, I was told by an ex G.P. friend today to take extra painkillers before each session, so I'm going to take her advice.  She also advised lots of sleep.

Yes it was a long time. When I went back today I stupidly thought it would be the same 3 people but it wasn't so although they took some measurements it was an almost start from scratch. I ended up with just one arm in air which was my affected side as I did end up with horrid shoulder pain from before. Yes they advised painkillers too so I took those and I may take one before I start radiotherapy as it will be the same position and the first session is longer to get set up right. Breath hold was ok too. Practiced my relaxation and breathing exercises too as they gave me a website link to watch. I do feel quite drained today. I did pop to the Maggie Centre too and chatted with a lovely lady which was nice. Suspect I may sleep better tonight. Could do with a decent night sleep xx