Absolutely terrified.

Hi Wheelbarrow. I am so sorry to hear of the dilemma and confusing time that you are in. It all sounds like normal thoughts to me though as this is such a shock to our mental state   I hope that some other people on here might be more helpful and informative than I have been. Just know that there will always be someone here for you. Take care xx

Hi , I'm so sorry you are so confused and scared.

If I was you I would contact your surgeon and your breast care nurse (I assume you have been assigned one by now) and ask them all the questions you have.  You don't want to wish you'd asked more questions after you've had the surgery.

I assume that a lumpectomy wasn't an option for you?  Also was a mastectomy and immediate rebuild not an option?

With regards to whether you get cancer in the other boob and need a mastectomy on that one too I personally wouldn't worry about that when deciding what to do now because you will probably not get cancer on the other one too and if you do it might be a lumpectomy and not mastectomy.

I would not try to second guess the future and just focus on what is happening now.

I had a lumpectomy so I can't offer you any advice on how you might feel after a mastectomy but the advice from one lady was look at the scar and missing boob immediately and don't put it off.  She chose not to have reconstruction and is very happy as she is.

There is a thread under Breast Cancer/Chat called AWAKE if you need more people to talk to when your scared or if you need more advice or just a chat. Let me know if you can't find it and I'll send you the link.  There are lots of us on there just chatting as and when we need to, very friendly and welcoming if you want to join in. 

The key is to get rid of the cancer so try and focus on that and as you say you can have the reconstruction later if need be.

Wishing you all the best xx

Hi

You can have a look at my profile for the full cancer gubbins but I had a mx RHS & lumpectomy LHS early last year. Unlike you I wasn't overly scared or fearful (not quite sure why, just the way I am I guess?) but I suspect I'm in the 'odd' minority and do understand how you're feeling.

Totally agree with above that you need to ensure you're 100% clear what's being told to you, to let things sink in and resolve any outstanding queries you have otherwise you will not have all the facts and won't be able to make an informed decision...don't make a decision until this is the case or it may be one you may come to regret.

I do know of cases where immediate reconstructions are being offered (implant or DIEP types) so if this is an issue at your hospital it may be worth finding out if you can get this at another hospital locally?  Also the likelihood of getting immediate recon is more likely with an implant ( less risky op requiring less/no time in intensive care).  If you have DIEP type recon you only get one go at recon as only one chance to use that stomach, with implants both sides can be reconstructed at different times but with recon from your own body there is also the possibility to use 'material' from thighs/back so if a natural boob is your thing then there are always options at a later date if the other boob does also need reconstructing.

Despite my not being overly bothered about losing boob I did struggle to touch it initially post mx (and I'm not squeamish either), it was just too 'odd', I forced myself and from there on it was plain sailing. I think everyone adjusts no matter how they feel before the op.

I did find that many medical professionals were quite quick to attempt to explain things (often not in language that I could understand) and its important that you ask for clarification and ask those questions that you may think are stupid - they're not!  I always took a notebook and asked them to slow down whilst I made notes (yep, they knew after a while that I was a total pain in the a**e!).

Good luck.

Sam

Thanks, Nineteen. Just to know that there are people like you out there helps a lot. Best wishes to you, xx

Hi GodWilling,

Thanks for your reply and support. I have spoken to surgeon and bc nurses. In fact, I now have a date for the op, 1 June. There seems so little time. The surgeon is lovely but is desperately trying to get her diary sorted as she has so many ops to do. If I go to see the cosmetic surgeon, then I loose my place in the original queue and then, should I decide a rebuild is not for me, then I will be later in the original queue as she will have put someone else in my place. Basically you can only be in one queue at a time and the other wouldn't hold your place. Almost wondering if I could see the cosmo surg privately while staying on the other queue? But don't know if this would help or not and is probably a bit unethical. I think our smallish hosp is under great pressure, I am guessing we only have one main cosmo surgeon and one of the other sort and the numbers of women arriving just now are exploding. She said they had 8 confirmed cancers this week as opposed to 2 in a normal week. So I can see the problem.

You are right I just need to focus on getting rid of it and that is my top priority.

I will have a look at AWAKE, thanks for the pointer.

Thanks for you help and for thinking of me, I really appreciate it.

xx

Hi this is my first post. Everything you have said Wheelbarrow sums up exactly how I am feeling so far. I literally do not know how I feel from one day to the next. It has all been so quick for me, just a month from GP to consultant, tests and diagnosis. 

Hi Casput, I am sorry you are feeling like me. I am sure it is something that happens to us all (most of us anyway). We would be a bit unusual not to be terrified. I just swing one way and another. We went out walking today and after a big climb up a hill, the endorphins kicked  in and I felt like I could take on the world, have a mastectomy and wear brightly coloured foobs to show the world just how many women there must be who have had this illness. By the time I got home, all that had worn off and I felt a bit down again. Just shows how much all these hormones affect us on a daily basis.

The whole process one goes through can happen very quickly and you feel like you are living someone else's life . I think we are in shock really and when it hits home, we fall apart for a bit. and then go up and down, trying to take it all in. I am sure there will be a point when we know what to do but I am temporarily not there yet. 

Perhaps we need to keep talking to the others, perhaps look at this AWAKE/chat thingy that GodWilling mentions above.  I  will when I can find it. I am finding it interesting trying to navigate this site as IT isn't my strong point!

Thinking of you, we will get through this somehow. Keep talking to those Beast Care Nurses, who seem lovely and i phoned the Macmillan line one day and that helped a bit. I may try that again before the weekend is out.

All the best and thanks for replying. I was feeling it was just me feeling as I do,

xx

Same here. My mastectomy is on 14th May, so not long now. I am not so very scared but I feel stressed. Keep in touch. Hope all goes well.

Here you go here is the link to the AWAKE thread community.macmillan.org.uk/.../1567191

Have you worked out how to read people's stories (if they've created a bio) by clicking on their name?  While I was waiting for my treatment plan or for results I would read people's bios every time I felt scared or low and most of the time it really helped.  

If seeing a cosmo surgeon privately is an option so you don't loose your place in the queue that might be worth exploring.  

It might be an idea to do a pros and cons list of reconstruction vs not.  That might help clarify things

What about the reconstruction are you not happy about - maybe putting that into words will help?

Wishing you all the best for your surgery