Why do I feel such a wreck now

Hi Magtie, You are not alone ,at some stage in our journey on this roller coaster I think we all feel like you are feeling at the moment. For me ,it was after my last radiotherapy treatment. I rang the bell and we had planned a special meal to celebrate the end of the major treatments. When we got home I burst into tears and my husband (bless him ) was at a complete loss because this was " the day" we had planned for since diagnosis.I went to bed early and in my head gave myself a good shake  and realised that it was good news and that life was waiting for me to enjoy. Next day we had the planned for meal and since then I am taking life as it comes and doing all the things that I enjoy (within Covid restrictions) My diagnosis was much the same as yours and at some stage it suddenly hits us and we have to come to terms with it all. As with the treatment -take it all one day at a time.
        I have joined the Fruit Loops on the AWAKE thread  and look at several of the threads in the Chat section- it is good to hear of others success and join in the banter and giggles. We can be very supportive of one another too. It is there 24/7  hence the name- perhaps take a look and join in if you wish, just introduce yourself. I also follow "Walking back to happiness" thread -some beautiful pictures on there which I find raise my spirits.
        I am sure others will be along with words of wisdom instead of my rambling. Sending  you big hugs on your cotinuing journey now that you have HAD breast cancer and hope that the Tamoxifen is treating you kindly.  xx Kwissy

Hi Magtie, Kwissy has said it so well, just wanted to pop in too to say that I have felt more anxious post ‘active’ treatment than I did during surgery and radiotherapy. A friend suggested a ‘ladies’ evening’/ party when I finished rads but I had to tell her that although I was relieved, I didn’t feel like celebrating. It’s very hard to explain to those outside the magic cancer circle! Thank goodness for the folk here! Also, we are still having treatment - the hormone therapy - which as its name suggests is there to alter (and mess with!) our hormones. Anxiety is certainly listed as a possible side effect of Anastrozole, don’t know about tamoxifen. So don’t underestimate the ongoing effects which I feel are often forgotten or disregarded by others. 
But the good news is that none of this stops me getting on with my life and enjoying the little that’s allowed under Covid restrictions. And they’re not here forever. 
There’s an excellent article by a Dr Peter Harvey re post active treatment feelings and considerations. Hopefully this is the link:

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf

Wishing you well and sending love and hugs, HFxx

Thank you Kwissy and HappyFeet1 for your kind words. Both of you have replied to me several times over past months which I greatly appreciate. 

I am grateful and relieved,  I think you keep going and don't let your guard down until the treatment has ended and as you say the hormone blockers probably don't help. I don't know where all this has come from.

Probably hasn't helped with family losses due to covid and just living as we all currently are. I will definitey try the awake group, I didn't even realise I had posted this on the New Here site. 

Thank you again for kind words 

xx

Hi Magtie

This group has been so supportive when I’ve needed it and there’s  a wealth of information to be found. Like you I’m on tamoxifen and am in no doubt they are effecting my emotions. Others say the side effects subside with time so that’s what I’m trying focus on. I often wonder if my recovery and coping would be different in a non covid world and I think it may be. It’s been difficult enough with life being so different the past year then being diagnosed with cancer too. I’m really trying to focus on the now and enjoy the little things, it’s not always easy. Today I did my first bit of gardening for months and  I lost myself in in for a while. I hope as I feel stronger physically my emotions will improve and my anxiety will subside. I know there will always be some doubt having experienced what I have but hopefully since I’ve HAD it life may be kinder. 

Take care and if you’d like to talk more I’m here xx