In a head spin!

Hi , you have a lot going on and it’s a difficult time . My father is in a care home and I only told him last week about my diagnosis and mastectomy date . He’s in his 80’s and personally I felt it was a need to know basis and because the home is hopefully allowing me to see him soon I felt he had to know . 

Private or NHS ,,,, difficult one, especially if you’re not getting seen quicker ,,, if you feel the private is cheerier then I would go for it it’s all individual choice . 

I got no choice regarding my mastectomy and if they recommend radiotherapy ( which they say may be necessary) then I’m going with my consultants advice . I had hoped for lumpectomy but didn’t get the choice I’m afraid . 

Regarding lumpectomy or mastectomy, it does depend on the size of the tumour and if any lymph nodes are affected which will show in your MRI.  I have seen comments from women who have had lumpectomy and then had to go for mastectomy a relatively short time later due to the beast returning. If given the choice I would go for mastectomy so that there isn't much chance of it returning.  I didn't have a choice, my lumps were too large.  With regard to NHS or private again, it is personal choice.  Our hospital trust are using a local private hospital to do breast operations but only if the patient has no other health issues.  This would lead me to believe that the back up services are not available in the private hospitals.  I have heard that some private hospitals are not as diligent about covid testing and infection control so that is something to consider. 

Hi

Welcome to the online community, though it's a place no-one would choose to be so sorry you find yourself here. 

Your head does seem to be in a spin - which is pretty normal, I guess. Shir2629 and Lesley63 have both given you excellent advice and I can't add much to that. I think most of us would agree that you are at the worst part - the diagnosis and the waiting - it's horrible and quite consuming. Once you have had all the test results and been given a plan, your head should slow down a bit and it will be easier to know what you want to do.

NHS or private - well, I'm not sure there's much in it other than speed and the peripheral stuff like a private room. You are often getting the same surgeon as I don't think they are allowed to be only private anymore - they have to also work within the nhs. I didn't have private cover but I'd probably have used it if I did, at least to speed up some of it. Having said that, the NHS treatment is usually pretty swift but obviously now surgeries might be delayed. 

I think you can put the radiotherapy question in a box for now - open it if and when it's mentioned.

You're mentioning mastectomy instead of lumpectomy - ultimately that should be your choice and your consultant should be willing to have a discussion with you around that - they very often make the decision based on the size and situation of the tumour, whether you want reconstruction and your emotional response to the situation. As an example, my tumour was a fair size 52mm but my consultant originally preferred lumpectomy, but I didn't want reconstruction and it was at the top of my breast so he said that wasn't a good idea because I wouldn't have been able to use padding and it would have been noticeable through clothes.  My diagnosis and my opinions went this way and that, but I did have a mastectomy in the end. Once you get the results of he MRI, see if you can have another chat with the consultant about your choices.

As for telling your parents, I did tell my mum straight away. I am also an only child and she lives quite far away. I also told her not to come and see me because I was still working and, to be honest, I needed to not have to make things OK for her. I know that sounds selfish and it was quite hard for her, but it's an exhausting thing to go through at the best of times and if you are having to spend energy comforting everyone else it's hard work. It sounds like you have great support from your partner so make sure you put your needs first when you make the decision whether to tell them or not. I know you are trying to be kind to them, but don't forget to be kind to you.

Well that's quite a lot after saying I had nothing to add!

Good luck with the MRI on Friday - let us know how you get on

R

Thank you Shir2629, Lesley63 and Ronstar.  This really helps.  My head is in a better place tonight, not spinning as fast as it was this morning!  

Hi,

I had a Grade 2 Ductal Cancer and had no choice but to have a mastectomy due to the size 4.5cm invasive cancer and 0.5 cm DCIS in a 32 breast, didn't get clear margins and so had radiotherapy which isn't standard following mastectomy unless there are positive margins or some other concern.  I remained flat, which I've not regretted. 

I was diagnosed at the NHS Hospital and my op would have been 3 weeks post diagnosis, for me I wanted the cancer out asap and so opted for private as we have Medical Insurance and the Surgery was done 12 days later.  The benefit of private was direct access to my Consultant via email or phone, for me this was a god send as I was so anxious. 

I know they give Hormone treatment prior to Surgery in some cases and to people who are unable to tolerate surgery at all ie the elderly and my Consultant told me this is quite succesful. 

My Husband is currently having treatment at the local private Hospital and he has to be Covid tested prior to each treatment visit.

Best Wishes whichever you choose.